


Nine to Five

by AngelTabris



Series: A Barista and a Cashier [1]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-09-07 05:43:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20304397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelTabris/pseuds/AngelTabris
Summary: Shinji has a job as a cashier. He hates it, but his luck seems to turn around when he drops a certain customer's jar.





	1. Chapter 1

**Nine to Five**

**Shinji**

_Beep._

I hear that horrid noise every night as I fall asleep. Even if I can’t fall asleep, it’s there, unrelenting in my ears.

_Beep._

I guess I should be happy that I have a job. I’m just another cog in the wheel. I do what I’m told and I get my money. I’m not special, but I’m not the worst, either.

_Beep._

Still, what’s it like to be happy, anyway? I’m not sure I ever was. I smile at my customers, but its fake. I’m fake. What’s real?

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Before I know it, my phone alarm is going off instead of the register’s calling card in my brain. It’s 7:30 AM. Time to get ready for my shift. I feel my back crack as I sit up and rub my eyes. As I stretch, I relish in the feeling and sound of the rest of my bones popping. Almost on instinct, I strip and hop in the shower. The hot water soaks into my cold body, somehow making me shiver. Sighing, I quickly clean myself and step out into the foggy bathroom.

After a few minutes, the mist dissipates, and I’m left with my reflection staring back at me. I hate it. I catch a glimpse at the scars on my legs. I can’t cut my arms due to the uniform I must wear. I don’t want to draw more attention to myself.

_Disgusting coward. Just kill yourself already. _

My will to live is small, but my patience is even smaller.

_Just shut up and get dressed. Do something useful by earning money. Misato will be proud. _

Misato, my wonderful Aunt. She could be a bit pushy and smothering, but she meant well. She helped me get this job, this apartment. She got me away from my father. The very thought of him quickly formed a swelling in his throat. No time to think of the past, now.

_Work, right. _

Shaking the thoughts away, I remember that I’m not just taking care of myself anymore. A smile tugs on my lips as I waltz into the living room to check on my two rabbits—Toffee and Hazel. They could be just as scared and timid as I was, yet they learned to trust and love. They not only gave me companionship, but hope, too. It was always nice to have someone to come home to.

I feed and water them as I wait for my toaster strudel to finish up. It springs up just as I notice it’s time to leave. Grabbing the hot pastry haphazardly, I dash out the door, down the stairs, and out into the real world. 

Its loud, so loud, and so overwhelming, but I’ve started to get used to the city. The bustling people and cars almost have their own sort of charm. The lights can get bright, so I usually always have my blinds closed. At least the noises help lull me to sleep most nights, especially when my own head won’t shut up. Plus, everything is always so close. A block this way, a block that way, can lead you to totally different things. It both excites and terrifies me. At least Misato’s apartment is only a few blocks down from mine. It’s comforting, especially when I have late shifts. There’s a reason why I prefer the early mornings. There’s less opportunities to get hurt.

Scarfing down my abysmal breakfast, I begin my two mile walk to work. I suppose I could take a taxi, but walking soothes my nerves, especially when I have my iPod handy. Plus, money is tight as it is. I sometimes can’t believe the cost of my tiny one bedroom. Plugging my earbuds in, I put Tame Impala on shuffle, and let my feet do the work instead of my head.

After a while, I check my watch. 8:30 AM. Almost time to punch in. I’m only a couple blocks off, so I should be fine. I pass by a coffee shop, and the aroma is intoxicating. However, I must fight the urge to get a drink. The caffeine makes my nerves even more fried. Maybe one day, if I’m desperate and sleepy.

The shiny, squeaky automatic doors of my grocery store slide open. A blast of cold air conditioning hits my skin and I’m grateful. I check my watch again. 8:50 AM. I better get my stuff put away so that I can clock in. Asuka hated when people were late. Although she’s the same age as me, she somehow worked her way into the service coordinator position. She _did_ do well at bossing other people around. She isn’t the easiest to get along with—honestly, she scares me to death, sometimes—but its best to abide by her and get through the workday.

On the way to my register, I’m greeted by my friends Toji and Kensuke. They’re my age, too, and are usually on cleaning or cart duty. Sometimes they’ll help me bag if Asuka isn’t looking. I’ve grown fond of them and their eccentricity. They’re two peas in a pod, and I’m happy that I can be included in their thoughts. We’ve hung out a couple times after work, too, mostly to vent and talk shit. Sometimes we get high. It’s always nice when we do that.

With my name tag in place and my lane light on, I start cracking down on the onslaught of customers.

“Hello! How are you today?”

“I’m good, thank you!”

“Paper or plastic?”

“Do you have any coupons?”

“Have a nice day!”

The script is never-ending. Sometimes I leave my body and believe that I must be a robot. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?

A few hours fly by before I’m allowed my lunch break. I grab a sandwich from the deli and dig in, enjoying the feeling of having my feet off the ground for a bit. Another one of my coworkers, Rei, walks in and sits across from me. She’s always such good, quiet company. She works in the bakery. There, she hardly has to interact with people, and she can spend her time decorating cakes. It’s a win-win for her. I often wish I could work in that section instead, but such is life.

“Hi Shinji. How are you?”

“I’m okay! How are you?”

She nods and takes out some soup she brought from home in a metal thermos.

“I hope people are being kind to you today,” she adds.

“So far, so good.”

Before I know it, it’s time to go back. I say my goodbyes to Rei and discard my trash. I’m wiping off g my shirt when I run straight into Asuka.

“Shinji! You better get your ass down there! We’re slammed! Hurry up!”

I feel the world spin but nod my head back anyway. It always sucked when we got packed—even if that was nearly every day. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Still, the day goes on.

_Just breathe. Your day’s half over. _

I hop back on register to a mob of impatient faces glaring at me. Here we go. Back with the routine.

“Hello, how are you today?”

“I’m doing well, thanks!”

“Here’s your receipt! Come again!”

These words become a meaningless mantra as the hours drag on. When I glance at the clock, I notice that I’m less than an hour off from being done. It truly would be five o’clock somewhere, soon.

“Hi, there, how are you?”

Before receiving an answer, I start grabbing at their items and placing them in bags.

“I’m doing well, thank you.”

I’m about to say that I’m doing well, too, when their reply catches me off guard.

“You’re welcome,” I lift my head and make eye contact.

Red eyes. Ruby red eyes. Pale skin and hair. I’d never seen anything like it. A jar slips from my hands and rolls off the belt, shattering against the store tile. My vision swims with embarrassment. A person’s appearance startled me to the point of breaking something?

_I’m pathetic. _

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I’ll get that cleaned up,” I ramble out as I swiftly shut off my light and gather cleaning supplies.

Customers farther down the line groan and tap their feet. When I circle around to the other side of the counter, I’m met with those eyes, again, now filled with concern as they skim over the broken glass on the floor.

“Are you alright? I hope the glass didn’t hurt you,” I apologize, my mouth dry.

“I’m quite alright. May I assist you in cleaning up?”

Yet again, I’m caught off guard. This time, it’s from his eloquent voice and speech.

“Oh, uh, don’t worry about it! I dropped it, so I’ll fix it,” I drop to my knees and begin to dust up the bits of glass that I see.

“Please, be careful,” the stranger drops to his knees, too, accidentally bonking my head with his.

It hurts, and I wince, but the hurt subsidies under the smell of coffee beans. I realize he’s wearing an apron adorned with a “Kaworu” ID tag. A moment later, those red eyes are right in front of my blue ones, and I feel the world slip away.

_He must have albinism. Still, they’re so strange—but kind of nice—to look at. _

“Ah, I apologize. I just had noticed some other glass and did not want you to get hurt.”

_Why does he care? Why is he being so nice?_

“Th-thank you, but really, don’t worry. I’ve got this!”

“I insist,” he reaches out and takes the roll of paper towels.

After a minute or two, the spill is cleaned, and the floor is glass-free. We get back to our feet and I return to my post.

“Do you need to go grab another of that item?”

“No, I’ll make do. Thank you,” he smiles at me with genuine generosity.

“Sorry, again.”

“It’s no problem. These things happen,” his tone is incredibly patient.

“W-Well, okay, your total is $25.62 today, Kaworu,” I say his name without thinking.

He smiles again and runs his credit card. It goes through quickly, the receipt paper now filling the spaces between my fingers. Kaworu looks at my nametag.

“Thank you, Shinji. Have a good night,” he gently takes the receipt, but I swear I feel a jolt of something.

Maybe I did get a cut after all. Nonetheless, I shake myself off as he walks out the front doors. I resume helping other customers, the warmness of the interaction carrying me through the last forty minutes of the day.

On my walk home, I recount the day’s events. I remember my friends, the customers, the smiles, as well as the frowns. Kaworu’s face stands out from the rest. Literally, it does look quite different, but I can’t help but remember the warmth in his gaze. He seems like a very good person.

_Unlike me._

When I arrive at my apartment, I’m relieved to see my precious pets. Sometimes I fear that something will happen to them when I’m not around. Yet, they’re always there, and welcoming. I let them out of their cage to roam the house a while. Toffee bounds up into my lap. Her soft fur feels like velvet after a long day.

A stray thought wonders if mysterious Kaworu’s hands were as soft.

_Shut up, you pervert. You don’t even know him._

I veg on the couch a while before deciding that I should get to bed. There’s yet another workday ahead of me. Is that all my life is? Wake up, shower, go to work, come home, sleep? I’d say yes, but there’s a step missing in my routine that I don’t want to admit.

After the rabbits are put away, and it’s just me in my lonely bedroom, I slip out my razor from my nightstand. The voices always come to me at night. They’re so much stronger when the sun isn’t around.

_You deserve to die._

_Why do you even bother?_

_You’re ugly and broken._

_No one could ever truly love a person like you._

It always hurts with the first cut, but I eventually become numb. I feel the voices bleed out of me slowly, their words fading. Sometimes I have to cut deeper to get them to leave. Sometimes I have to do a dozen cuts in one night to feel sane again. Thankfully, this wasn’t a night like that. One good slit in my thigh was enough to make it better. Even though I always cleaned up afterward, my sheets were stained with a plethora of crimson stains.

_Crimson. Ruby red. Those eyes. They’re like blood. Is that why I’m drawn to them?_

The night is long and dark. Sleep won’t come. Only memories.

Father. Father’s face. Father’s words. Father’s hurtful words. Father’s hands bruising my skin—bruising my pride.

Mother. Mother’s face. Mother’s gone. She’s been gone a long time. I was so little.

Misato. My saving grace. My light in the darkness. Is she proud of me? Does she know how awful I really am?

Father again.

**Kaworu**

The sun is only just beginning to rise, but the early birds are never late. That’s okay, because I, too, am an early bird. As I tie my apron around my waist, I take in the aroma of the café’s coffee being brewed. Perhaps the best thing about this job was the free, delicious cologne. Maybe the other best thing was being able to meet so many new and familiar souls with each passing day.

Today, though, my mind seems elsewhere. I love my job, but it is a little harder to concentrate this morning. My mind keeps trailing back to the stuttering cashier from last night. I go to that store every week, and yet, I don’t believe I’ve had him help me before. I’ve also never had a cashier break one of my things, but no matter. His reaction was rather cute. I do hope I’ll see him again the next time I must shop.

Despite my thoughts, I push on and make my customers happy. It brings me happiness, too. A long time ago, I might’ve never felt this way, but I am thankful for the path my life has carved.

_Instead of carving into my veins. _

_Ding!_

The bell on the front door rings, signaling for the entrance of a customer. I’m finishing up an order, so my coworker answers at the register. I faintly hear the conversation but concentrate on the job at hand.

“What can I get for you, sir?”

“I haven’t done this before, but I’m really tired. I need something to stay awake. Espresso, I guess?”

Something about the voice captures me.

“Sure! We could put it in a latte for you to make it less bitter, if you’d like.”

“That would be great. Thank you!”

The voice is so sincere yet so uncertain. Once I finish my order, I walk to the counter, my curiosity getting the best of me. My gut was right—it’s the boy from yesterday! It’s Shinji, but he somehow looks even more disheveled than he did last night. His eyes aren’t bright, but tired. He’s slouching. When he’s done speaking, his smile quickly drops into a frown. His eyes watch the floor.

I silently hope that he will look up and notice me. He waits on his cup with an equal amount of silence, not wanting to look anywhere but the ground. It’s clear that I must be the one to speak up. I lean over the counter.

“Ah, hello there. I do believe you checked me out yesterday.”

He combusts.

“Oh, uh, ‘checked you out’? What do you mean?”

“You were my cashier. Broken jar,” I let out a light laugh.

I see an epiphany dance across his blue irises.

“Oh, right! Ha, sorry, I’m very forgetful. Kaworu, was it?”

I hum in approval as I point to my nametag. I watch as he unravels even more, his face red. I let out another laugh. He probably doesn’t think so, but he is very charming.

“Order 17!”

“Oh, that’s me,” he whispers and retrieves his drink from the other barista.

I notice that something is missing from the latte.

“Shinji, hang on,” I swivel and grab the bottle of whipped cream.

In one motion, I spin back around, dip over, and whirl a cloud of cream at the top of his drink. His eyes grow huge. They’re deep ocean pits.

“Okay, go on and try it now.”

He does, and I’m met with a small, but real, grin.

“That’s really good. Thank you so much,” he takes another, longer, swig.

“No problem. Do you work again today?”

Shinji checks his watch and nearly spits out his coffee.

“Crap, yes. I’m running late.”

“Hurry on your way, then. The coffee will help,” I wink at him.

The boy nods vigorously, face still red as he hustles out into the city.

_Perhaps I’ll have to make a visit sooner than I had planned. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Shinji**

I can’t tell if it’s my second encounter with Kaworu or the caffeine in my system that is making my head reel. My heart is beating impossibly fast and I keep making small, stupid mistakes at the register.

_Calm down. Chug some water. You’ll be fine._

He was right, though. The coffee did get me to work on time.

“Stupid Shinji, what’re you smiling about?”

Asuka’s voice makes me jump. Since work had slowed down, I’d been cleaning my lane. Looking down, I realize that I’d been wiping the same spot on the belt for a few minutes straight.

“N-Nothing! I’m just glad to have a small break, is all,” I blurt out.

She steps closer, suspicion in her eyes. Soon she’s just inches from my face. A toothy grin spreads across her features.

“Idiot. Did you meet someone?”

“I meet people every day, Asuka.”

“You really are stupid. _Someone_ someone. You look like you’ve got a crush.”

My cheeks are on fire.

“What? No! I just had coffee this morning. It’s making me jittery.”

It wasn’t a lie. I was feeling a little off.

“Mhm. Okay then. Get back to work and stop daydreaming,” she replied smugly before waltzing off.

Sighing, I threw the paper towel away and ushered some customers down my lane. I needed distraction to feel normal again. This weird feeling would go away with time.

I was hoping that Rei would have lunch at the same time as me today, but I was short on luck. Toji and Kensuke weren’t around because they were grabbing something to eat next door. I still had a half sandwich from my purchase yesterday, so I munched on it while my thoughts ran wild.

_Kaworu would be a good friend. I should put myself out there more. Be more confident. _

_ No more coffee though. _

After my thirty minutes was up, I collected myself and headed back to my position.

**Kaworu**

Another good thing about having an opening shift is getting to go home rather early. I usually finish up around 2 or 3 PM. The sun felt good as I stepped out into the day, now free of responsibility.

_I suppose I’ll go back to the store and get the item that I lost yesterday. _

Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I began my short walk down the street. People gave me long looks as they passed by, obviously surprised by my appearance. I’ve grown used to this as someone with albinism. It’s something that people just don’t get used to. Over time, I’ve come to like the skin I’m in. It’d be boring to blend in, anyway. I’ve even grown comfortable with exposing the scars on my arms—long, vertical pink lines from a horrid past. It gives me strength to know that I survived.

The sliding doors open for me and I head down the aisles that I know by heart. Scanning the cash registers, I recognize a familiar brown mop of hair. My mouth pulls into a little smile at the sight. I’m hoping my presence with the singular item will bring humor rather than shame. In no time, I’ve found what I need, and I head back up toward the front. On the way there, a redheaded girl runs into me, nearly knocking the jar from my hand. Could you imagine if it’d broken _again_?

“Hey, watch where you’re—”

Her angry words cut off when we make eye contact.

“I’m very sorry. Please excuse me,” I give an apology before continuing on my way.

She stares at me as I pass. I can even feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head as I go. I ignore it like water off a duck’s back. A moment later I’m standing in Shinji’s line. He doesn’t seem to realize I’m there yet since he’s busy taking care of the customers in front of me. Though his words are kind, I can tell they’re vapid. I suppose we all do this from time to time to make our job more manageable.

_It’s so strange to see how different his eyes can be from conversation to conversation. I hope I can brighten them. _

It’s my turn now.

“Hello, how are—”

Like Asuka’s, his words cut off, too, but not in anger. In surprise, rather.

“Oh, Kaworu! Hi!”

He grabs the jar, instantly realizes why I’m here, and allows himself a slight laugh. He looks up at me. My heart skips.

“You’re back for more, huh?”

_In more ways than one. _

“I suppose you could say that.”

He takes great care in situating my item in a paper bag this time, carefully folding the top so that it may not fall again. Pressing a button on the screen, his blue eyes find mine again.

“Is that everything then?”

I nod and insert my card in the machine.

“Did the coffee help this morning? I was hoping it would,” I add, trying to make more conversation.

“I think so. I got here in time, at least. It made me a little jittery, though,” he laughs again, a small huff of breath.

He seems like someone who has forgotten how to laugh and is learning how to again.

He presses another button. My machine beeps. I take my card out.

“Maybe next time I can make it for you. He may have put too many shots of espresso,” I offer, hoping he’ll catch my drift.

The receipt prints out at lightning speed. A bead of sweat forms on the sweet boy’s brow.

“Oh, sure, that’d be good,” his voice shudders and he looks away again.

As I’m tucking my card back in my wallet, his arm extends toward me, paper in his palm.

“Well, you’re all set. Nothing broken today,” he gifts me one last smile.

It actually touches his eyes. I’m glad.

“Thank you, Shinji,” I take the receipt, making sure that our fingers bump together.

His hand draws away much more quickly than it’d came, the receipt flying into the air. Fear drops into my stomach.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I’ve got it,” I assure him as I grasp it before it touches the ground.

“I-It’s okay,” his voice is cheerful again, but it’s edged with doubt.

_I hope I haven’t scared him_

“Have a splendid night, Shinji.”

**Shinji**

_It was nice to see him again, but what was that? That feeling? Was it from our hands touching?_

My head and heart won’t quiet down for the rest of my shift. Can coffee really affect me for this long? I’ve never had this happen before.

_He’d said “next time.” I told myself I wouldn’t get coffee again, but who am I to turn down such a kind offer?_

When I’m eventually home and getting ready for bed, I realize that I finally have a day off tomorrow. I let Hazel and Toffee hop around to their heart’s content since there’s no time constrictions. Hazel runs to me, so I scoop her up.

“Hazel, should I go back to Kaworu’s coffee shop? Do you think I could make a new friend?”

Her little bunny nose twitches and rubs against my own. It tickles and I giggle.

“Is that a yes?”

Her dark eyes blink at me before she jumps from my grasp. I throw myself onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. I find myself thinking out loud.

“He seems nice, but I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way. What if he’s just playing with me? It wouldn’t be the first time someone has seemed nice only to ridicule me. Still, I won’t know if I don’t try.”

_But remember that pain. The pain of betrayal._

_People will always hurt you, so the only way to have control is to hurt yourself, instead. _

My hand inches toward the nightstand. They’re right.

Kaworu’s voice comes to mind.

_“Have a splendid night, Shinji.”_

Goosebumps crawl across my arms. There was something so languid about the way he talked. It was something I’d never managed to achieve. Maybe he could help me.

For the first night in a long time, I don’t hurt myself. 

**Kaworu**

_I hope Shinji comes again._

For once, it’s a very slow morning, and I’m a bit bored. I’ve cleaned and done my orders, so I’m left to stand around and idly sweep like I’ve something to do. I hum as I go. A nice tune pops into my head, and I find myself air fingering the keys of my piano, nails thrumming against one of the dining tables. An urge to write down the notes hits me just as the front door rings. Then a voice.

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

My eyes fly open, probably a bit wildly, and lock onto the voice’s owner.

“Shinji! You came back!”

The boy scratches behind his head bashfully. I wonder if his hair is soft.

“Yeah! I did, didn’t I?”

“Well, what would you like? I can make anything you want,” my body sweeps itself back into the kitchen.

“Uh, well, you said about making me something without so much caffeine. Actually, I’m off work today, so just something that tastes good would be ideal,” his eyes light up with interest.

“Hmm, what do you like? Vanilla? Chocolate? Caramel?”

The array of options overwhelms him a bit. He stands in silence for a bit before speaking again.

“Surprise me.”

The confidence in his voice nearly sends me sprawling to the ground. _I’m_ the one that’s surprised.

“Your wish is my command.”

There he goes again with his blushing. I make more conversation as I work on my secret concoction.

“My workday has been very slow so far. You could hang out around here, if you’d like? I’m honestly quite bored,” my voice doesn’t reveal my desperation.

He goes quiet, seemingly lost in the inner mechanisms of his mind. I remain quiet, too, to let him think.

_He must be weighing his options. _

“How much longer is your shift?”

I check the time. It’s now noon.

“About two more hours.”

“Sure, I can stay,” he says excitedly.

“Brilliant. Thank you, Shinji.”

He nods and sits himself down at a table before swiping through his phone. We stay in comfortable silence as I finish his drink. My chest swells with pride as I ring the handbell and present the cup.

“Order 58! A strawberries and cream frap with chocolate chips and unicorn dust!”

Unicorn dust was our fancy way of saying edible, sparkly sprinkles. It made any drink look magical. When I look to him, his eyes are moons.

“Wow, that looks amazing!”

“Go on, have a taste,” I hold it out to him.

When our hands brush this time, he doesn’t shrink away. His fingers don’t even tremble. He gives it another awestruck look before taking a sip. Some color returns to his face that I didn’t know was gone.

“Kaworu, this is really good! You’re amazing!”

His praise strikes an arrow straight through me.

“Ah, you humble me, Shinji,” I breathlessly reply.

Shinji takes a couple more sips, his demeanor improving with each go. I strike up conversation once again. I can’t help myself.

“How long have you lived here in the city?”

“About 6 months. Honestly, I’m still getting used to it. You?”

“A little over a year. I think I like it. So much to do and see,” I start cleaning the kitchen once again.

“I think that’s what intimidates me, actually. I’m not so good with crowds,” he eyes the floor, just like yesterday.

“That’s curious, seeing as you’re a cashier and all,” I pry.

“I-It’s not my most ideal job, but I got it easily, and I don’t do well with change, either. I guess I should be more adaptable,” he jokes, but a tinge of sadness is in his eyes.

“It can be hard, but we all must adapt to survive. Humans and animals are the same in that way, after all.”

“I never thought of it that way. I guess you’re right,” he admits shyly.

I’m about to change the subject when a crowd of tourists shuffle in.

“Let me get back to you, Shinji,” I send him a wink.

He returns his attention to his drink as I turn my focus to my patrons. There’s a lot of hustle and bustle as my couple of coworkers help me to take care of the unexpected rush. As I buzz around the kitchen, I get glances of Shinji all the while. Sometimes he’s on his phone, sometimes he’s looking at me, and sometimes he’s looking out the window. His brow always looked so furrowed in contemplation.

_I wonder what he thinks about—what he thinks about me, too. _

By the time that the guests stop piling in, it’s half an hour to the end of my shift. I feel slightly guilty for keeping Shinji here with nothing to do, but he doesn’t seem to mind. I bend myself over the counter to speak to him.

“I just have to clean up a few things and then I’m off for the day. Will you wait for me?”

Shinji jumps a little. He startles so easily. So fragile.

“Sure, no problem!”

I hurriedly do the rest of my duties and clean myself up in the bathroom. With my hair a bit more tamed and my work apron off, I walk back into the dining room and sit myself directly across from my new friend.

“You said that you hadn’t really seen all that the city offers. Could I show you a special spot? It’s one of my favorites, and hardly anyone goes there,” my eyes must be wild with excitement as I wait for his answer.

**Shinji**

This is all so new to me, so foreign, so far away. Uncharted territory. Sure, I have a few friends, but they’re mostly work acquaintances. I’ve never hung out with them, except for the occasional high with Toji and Kensuke.

_He’s going to trick you, hurt you, betray you. That’s the only reason he’s being nice. He wants to reel you in._

_This feels different. Kaworu wouldn’t hurt me. _

_You say that, but you’ll end up in a ditch somewhere, or worse._

A web of indecision sticks to me. I’m at war with myself. I swallow thickly, unsure of what to say.

“I won’t take offense if you don’t want to,” his kind words pull me down to Earth.

Speaking of pulling down, as my eyes cascade down Kaworu’s face and torso, I notice there’s pink on his arms. Long lines of pink. Scars.

_He attempted? A person as nice as him?_

Kaworu notices where my eyes are wandering, and I feel hot with shame. I’m so rude!

“It’s okay, I don’t exactly try to hide them,” he trails a finger down one of the cuts.

“I was in a bad place, but I survived, and I’m stronger now. I adapted,” he refers to our recent conversation.

_Maybe he can help me adapt and accept change. If nothing else, we have these scars in common, even if he doesn’t know yet._

_“_I’m sorry you ever felt that low. I understand completely.”

“I thought you would,” his eyes glittered with adoration.

I feel a warm feeling settle at the bottom of my abdomen. It’s both pleasant and prickly at the same time. My hands curl into fists in my lap.

_I mustn’t run away._

“Kaworu, I’d be happy if you showed me the city,” I announce, my voice on the edge of shouting.

“Ah, I’m so glad! Shall we go, then?”

Kaworu stands up quickly and puts out his hand to me.

_Smack it away. Run._

_No. I mustn’t run away. _

A surge of confidence pumps through me, pushing my hand into his soft palm. Those pale fingers grip me and lift me from my chair. I feel lightheaded by the way he looks at me. It’s so different from the scowls I usually get.

“Lead the way. I’ll follow.”

“Okay, try not to wander too far,” he lets go of my hand to walk in front of me.

The loss of contact leaves an emptiness in me I didn’t know I had. I usually hate when people touch me. The crowded street whirls around us, and I find myself practically clinging to his lean frame. If he minded it, he didn’t show it. He just kept smiling and talking to me as we danced through the dozens of people.

“It’s only a few blocks down. The crowds will dissipate soon,” he reassures me.

“It’s so weird how there’s so much to see, so close, yet, so much of it is hidden.”

“I believe people are that way, too,” his insight strikes a chord with me.

We walk together more freely as the sidewalks become less congested. With the quiet, I can hear Kaworu humming, just under his breath, as he goes. His face is the image of contentment. My eyes won’t tear away from it.

_He’s so soothing. How did I find someone like this?_

_Shit. He noticed me staring. Look away!_

I swiftly face myself forward again, suddenly very conscious of his eyes now staring me down.

“Are you wondering why I look the way I do? It wouldn’t be the first time I was questioned.”

“Oh, uh, no! I just started zoning out a little.”

“Ah, understood.”

“But you have albinism, right?”

“I do. I used to hate it, but I’ve grown used to the skin I’m in.”

“Honestly, I think the reason I dropped your jar was just the sheer surprise of the color of your eyes. Not in a bad way! I just had never seen anything like them.”

As soon as I finish speaking, I feel like exploding. I sound so creepy!

He chuckles beside me. I relax a little.

“That’s understandable. I noticed that yours are a deep blue color. They’re very beautiful,” his smile turns smug.

I feel tiny under his gaze, his praise.

“Th-Thank you. I have my mom’s eyes, it seems.”

“She must be very beautiful, then.”

“She passed away when I was little, but yes, she was.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that, Shinji,” he offers condolences.

“Thank you. I miss her all the time,” I sigh.

“Well, we’re almost to the spot, so no more sadness,” he nudges my shoulder.

We turn a corner and I’m suddenly facing a harbor. How did I not smell the salt or hear the birds? Either way, it’s a sight to see, and Kaworu guides me further down the docks to where an unexpected tree had taken up its roots. The mighty thing stands tall, powerful, and had situated itself between the planks of wood. Many of them were broken now from the sheer size of it. Its branches spread far and wide and offer a sanctuary of shade. The breeze brings the soft spray of water to our feet. It’s breathtaking.

“This is so cool! I wonder how this tree started growing here in the first place,” I ponder as I look up into the branches.

“I’m not sure, but it seems to be very old, judging by its size.”

Kaworu sticks his hands in his pockets and settles down to sit near the trunk. His nails drum against the wood.

“Do you play any instruments, Shinji?”

“Actually, yeah! I play cello. I’m not very good, but I enjoy playing from time to time,” I admit.

I swear his ruby eyes turn to fire in the sunlight.

“Splendid! I play piano and violin! Maybe we could duet sometime.”

“That’s awesome! Yeah, that would be fun,” I excitedly reply as I sit myself next to him.

Our shoulders touch and my skin feels hotter than the sun beating down on us. I force myself to talk to relieve the tension.

“Well, d-do you have any pets?”

“Yes, I have a ferret. His name is Tabris,” his features soften even more.

“Aw, I love ferrets. I have two rabbits, myself. Their names are Hazel and Toffee. They’re sisters!”

Kaworu gazes at me and skews an eyebrow.

“Pictures?”

We spend the next half hour skimming through our phones to show each other pictures and video of our beloved pets. The time flies by like nothing. Our shoulders are still touching and our faces are so close now. If I chance a glance at him, I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s in a pleasant way, though.

After that, we fill our time chatting about other things—what foods we like, where we’re from, where we live, our hobbies other than work. It feels so natural. Even more natural than when talking to my coworkers. When I speak, his attention stays glued to me, eyes half-lidded with interest.

I don’t even realize that it’s been a few hours until the sun starts heading toward the horizon.

_I’ve spent almost all day talking to someone and have felt almost no anxiety about it_. _There’s something special about Kaworu. _

_“_Shinji?”

“Hm?”

“I think I was born to meet you.”

The words awaken a visceral reaction in me. Flames lick through my body. My heart tears through my chest with adrenaline. My face is beyond repair. No one has said such a kind thing to me before.

“I-I think so too, Kaworu. I’m glad I got to meet you.”

“I’m glad you broke my jar,” his lazy smile widens.

Without thinking, I laugh, letting out a loud snort. My hands fly to my face. How embarrassing.

“Your laugh is very cute, Shinji.”

I’ve never had a friend call me cute before. That warm feeling in my stomach returns. Butterflies?

“Th-Thank you. You have a very nice smile, Kaworu, and your eyes are nice, too,” the compliments pour from my mouth before I can think it through.

Finally, I now see pink dust Kaworu’s cheeks. It matches his scars.

“May we meet again here? Maybe tomorrow?”

I think it over and realize I do have one more day off.

“I’m off again tomorrow, so sure. Do you work?”

“I do not. Would you watch the sunrise with me? It’s spectacular.”

The words send fear through me. I’m more of a night owl, but if Kaworu will be there, then I’ll drag myself out of bed.

“I can do that, yeah.”

“May I give you my phone number?”

“Oh, sure, that’d be good! Go ahead.”

He helps me input his number in my phone. I text him a smiley face and a thumbs up. He sends me back a winking face.

“May I walk you home? I’d hate to see you alone in the dark,” he asks.

I’d been thinking of how scary the walk home would be alone. Could he read my thoughts?

“Please.”

So, we head back toward the city, the people, and walk the mile to my apartment. My stomach growls as we pass a food stand.

“Oh, pardon my manners, are you hungry? Pick something, I’ll get it,” Kaworu pulls out his wallet.

“N-No it’s okay! I have food at home!”

“Shinji, I insist. I’m hungry, too, anyway.”

“Are you sure? I can pay.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he places his hand on my shoulder and rubs at the fabric.

It wears me down. I pick out a hot dog and he grabs a soft pretzel. We munch and walk, walk and talk. We arrive at my apartment with full bellies.

“Um, thank you so much for getting me food and showing me such a beautiful place,” I bashfully face him, my back against my front door.

“It was really nothing, Shinji. I had a very good day with you.”

“Gosh, Kaworu, you’re so kind. You always know what to say, too.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re very charming yourself,” his eyes seem to melt as they lock onto mine.

There’s suddenly an invisible wall between us, an elephant in the room. My body feels heavy, and he’s looking at me so sweetly. Is this what friendship really feels like?

“I will let you go rest so that we may meet in the morning. Have a good night.”

I blink and his face is suddenly much closer than before. Fighting back panic, I stare into his red eyes, the color somehow clearer in the dark. That’s when his lips touch my cheek. He kisses it gently, pulls away, and starts his descent down the stairs to head home.

My keys hardly make it in the door from how much I’m shaking. I make it in, lock the door, and sink to the carpet. My hand lands over my heart. It’s going crazy.

_Oh my god. I think Asuka was right. I _do_ have a crush. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Kaworu**

“Tabris, I think I’m in love.”

My trusty ferret sits upon my shoulder, shoving his head in my hair in an attempt to burrow. I laugh and pull him away to cradle him in my arms. His red eyes look up at me with interest. He’s albino too. I picked him on purpose.

“Do you have anything to say? Any input? Do you care?”

Tabris lets out a small dook and jumps down. Since I have a two-bedroom apartment, Tabris gets to have a whole room to himself, as well as two-story cage. I’d say he was a little spoiled, and I’m okay with that.

“Y’know, he said he has two rabbits, but I don’t think you guys could play. You’re naughty,” I wagged a finger at him, which he proceeded to nibble.

Lifting him up, I gave him a fat kiss on his little pink nose.

“Don’t worry, I love you too,” I cooed as I placed him back in his cage.

_It’s time to go meet Shinji. _

My excitement builds as I fling on my coat and practically run out the door. The cold breeze feels good against my warm, tingling face as I speed walk to my destination. When I get to the tree, the sky is only just starting to turn pink. He is not here yet, but I hope he will be soon.

My phone vibrates

**Shinji <3: I’m running late sorry!!**

**It’s ok! <3 ** **😉**

I’m now the one feeling anxious. I really want him to see the sun come up and how it changes colors every minute. He’d smile, and his smile is contagious.

Fifteen minutes later I hear the thrum of sneakers on concrete and I witness him jogging down the docks, his breath turning to steam on the morning air.

“I-I’m h-here,” he says between gasps.

“There you are! Good morning!”

“Were you waiting long?”

I shake my head and invite him to sit with me under the tree. He does, and our arms touch again. Though it’s cold out, I feel toasty.

“Have you ever watched a sunrise here before?”

“No. I’m not really a morning person,” he rubs an eye and yawns.

“Hm, interesting. I’ve never been a night owl,” I shrug.

“Opposites attract, huh?”

His response surprises me yet again.

“They certainly do, but I don’t think we’re so different, Shinji.”

I feel and hear his breath hitch in his throat.

“Yes, we are. You’re amazing, and I’m a loser.”

“Please don’t berate yourself in such a way. You’re wonderful to be around. I’ve only just met you and it feels like I’ve known you for years,” my hand creeps forward and dares to rest against his pinky.

He doesn’t move away.

“You’re just saying that,” his eyes are entranced by the ocean waves.

“I don’t say things I don’t mean. Please believe me,” I reply, my voice stern.

“I’ll try.”

My pale hand moves on its own, now completely covering his tan one. He twitches slightly but doesn’t move.

“Let’s just watch the sun come up. It will cheer you up, I promise.”

So, we do. The brilliant blazing ball makes its way to the sky, putting on a show of colors as it achieves its ascent. The colors reflect in Shinji’s irises, making rainbows. He’s in awe, just as I thought he would be. I am, too, but not at the sun. After a few minutes, he finally looks at me, though he looks sad again.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I’m not the most confident person.”

“That’s okay. I hope I can help that.”

Shinji goes silent again, his face far away.

“Why are you being so nice to me? You deserve better company than a socially inept cashier.”

My fingers grip his hand tight.

“Everyone has worth, no matter how much they think they don’t. I used to hate myself, too, but I’ve found ways to love myself. I’d like to help you find those reasons,” my brow knits together.

His hand squeezes mine back.

“Even if I’m a bore? A burden?”

Unconsciously, my hand leaves his and caresses his face. Those deep blue pits threaten to leak.

“I assure you, you’re not either of those things. I’ve never met anyone like you.”

“I’ve never met anyone like _you_, Kaworu.”

“See? We’re not so different,” I grin, hoping he will, too.

Instead, he’s pulling on my collar. Our lips collide, and fireworks erupt within me. Our mouths mash together sloppily, but perfectly. He keeps himself there, his eyes squeezed shut. I close mine too. As quickly as it started, it stops, Shinji pulling away first. He looks utterly mortified.

“O-Oh my god I’m so, so sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

Taking a deep breath, I pull his face close to mine and initiate my own kiss. My nails disappear into his hair. I was right, it _is_ soft. So are his lips as they attempt to move against mine. His breath ghosts over my face and I shiver as we part.

“Shinji, you never cease to amaze me.”

“Kaworu, I—”

“I do believe I’m falling for you.”

“Y-You are? Really?”

“I don’t say things I don’t mean, remember?”

His body stiffens, obviously in shock. My thumb rubs his cheek in comfort.

“Do you think this is moving too fast? I’ve never done this before,” his voice trails off.

“You’ve never liked someone? Or shared a kiss?”

He won’t meet my eyes as he shakes his head. I’m surprised, yet again.

“Well, then I’m honored to have been your first.”

Shinji releases himself from my grip and flops down on the wood of the harbor, his face toward the sky. His hands cover his face, and he kicks his legs. I can’t help but laugh. Is it a tantrum? No, he doesn’t seem upset, really.

“Kaworu, this is so embarrassing, but could we—”

“Kiss again?”

My words trigger his body to sit back up and scoot closer to me.

“Yes,” his voice seems to be tinted with want, now.

“Then do it. Show me your confidence.”

Shinji takes in a few shallow breaths before gripping my shirt again and kissing me. It’s less sloppy this time, more tentative, but also more patient. My arms slide around to his back, where I rub circles into the fabric of his hoodie. I deepen the kiss, tilting my head and letting him take the lead. A small spasm wracks through him, and I can’t help but smile against his mouth. He separates to take a deep breath before continuing.

“Hey, lovebirds! Get off the docks! This area’s for fisherman only!”

The loud, brash voice catches us both off-guard, our bodies pulling apart like flimsy paper. Shinji’s face falls into my chest, along with a murmur of “Oh my god.” Thankfully, he starts laughing, which sets off a laugh in me, too.

We make to the streets, our hands tangled together.

**Shinji**

_Did that really just happen? Me, Shinji, initiating my own first kiss? What planet is this?_

Kaworu’s loving eyes greet me when I look to my left, and I realize that I’m still holding his hand.

_Whatever planet this is, I think I like it. Yet, I feel apprehensive. _

“Hey, Kaworu, could we go get some breakfast?”

“Of course. Do you know a good place?”

A little later, we’re sitting in our booth, waiting on our eggs and bacon to arrive. I find myself twirling my finger around the straw in my orange juice. Kaworu takes a sip of his coffee.

“Are you alright, Shinji?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s just. Okay,” I take a deep breath and push hair from my eyes before continuing.

“It’s just—what I did back there—felt really out of character for me. I don’t regret it at all, but, I think I’d be more comfortable if we took things really slow. I’ve hardly had friends before, much less a b-b-“

“Boyfriend?”

“Yes. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Partner. This is new territory for me. I don’t want to screw it up.”

He reaches across the table and guides my hand away from my straw. It helps to calm my nerves.

“Whatever you need, Shinji. Be our metronome. I’ll match your pace.”

In that moment, all doubt leaves my body. My shoulders relax and lean against the cushions.

“Thank you.”

His thumb slides over my knuckles reassuringly.

Our food comes soon after and we dig in. When the waiter comes toward us with the bill, I beat Kaworu to the punch. Snatching up the paper, I add in my card and hand it back.

_“Shinji.”_

“Nope. I owe you,” my voice actually sounds smug.

“Fine. I’ll just have to take you for a fancy dinner and get the bill,” he playfully threatens.

I spot an extra straw on the table. Grasping it, I tear a hole in one side before blowing into the straw, sending the wrapper flying into Kaworu’s face. He freezes, completely stunned.

“Oh, you will pay,” he grabs the wrapper, crumples it, and throws it at me.

I dodge it with ease and shrug toward him. He smirks.

Someone clears their throat.

“Ahem, sir, here’s your card back. Thank you,” the waiter politely interrupts.

When he’s gone, Kaworu and I look at each other and can’t help cracking up. We must look like unruly children. Out on the street, we hear a few musicians playing tunes for coins. Both of us find some spare change and dollar bills to donate. They tip their hats to us as we sit on a nearby bench and listen. Kaworu’s eyes close as he hums along, his head bobbing in the slightest.

_He thinks _I’m_ cute?_

“Shinji, could we play together today? I’d love to hear what our music sounds like,” he asks, his eyes still closed.

The thought of duetting with Kaworu makes me sweat. Not just because of excitement, but because of nervousness, too. What if I don’t play well?

“There’s no pressure to play well. Just to have fun.”

_There he goes, reading my mind again. _

“Sure! I’d have to stop by my place and grab my cello first.”

We’re off again, this time on the way to my apartment. As we near it, I start to remember all the mess and dust that still remains to be cleaned.

“Um, sorry if it’s messy, by the way. We can just run in and run out!”

“You’re not getting away so easy! I want to meet your rabbit friends!”

_Oh, right, Hazel and Toffee! Oh, please distract him from the clutter._

I unlock the door and swing it open, quickly becoming even more self-conscious about the state of things. The trash needs to be taken out. The couch is covered in food wrappers. The sink has dishes in it.

“What a quaint little place. It really does fit you,” he breaks the silence with compliments.

“Ah, thank you. It’s really not the best though,” I quickly shuffle away and shut my bedroom door.

I don’t need him seeing the blood stains.

_Or the tissues from my pathetic sessions of touching myself. _

Blood pools downward at the thought, but I push it away in disgust.

“Are these the two gals? They’re so pretty!”

Hazel and Toffee are cuddled together in their cage, their eyes confused as to who this new person is.

“They are. It’s okay, my girls. Kaworu is a friend!”

I unlatch the gate to let them wander out at their own pace. Like I’ve said before, they can be skittish sometimes, so its best to let them make their own judgements. Kaworu seems to know what to do. He slowly settles himself down into a crisscross sitting position and stays very quiet. A few minutes pass before Hazel is sniffing at his legs. His face brightens.

“Hello, little one,” he whispers.

Toffee comes near and sniffs at his fingers. Kaworu looks like he’s going to explode from the cuteness. That, or her nose really tickles.

“They’re very precious and lucky to have you, Shinji.”

“_I’m_ lucky to have _them_, really. They help me so much.”

“As does my Tabris.”

After some free time, I put the girls away and grab my cello, making sure my case can still roll.

“Ah, I’d forgotten how big cellos are. Shall I call a taxi?”

My wallet cries. Even the $15 breakfast was a lot for me.

“Oh, it’s okay. I can walk with it! How far is your apartment?”

“About three miles. I can pay for it no problem.”

He leans down and kisses my forehead, making me melt.

A phone call later and we’re in a taxi heading for Kaworu’s apartment. I feel a hundred emotions flying around inside me. Excitement. Apprehension. Fear. Doubt. Adoration. Appreciation. It only gets stronger the closer Kaworu shifts against me. I take a leap of faith and rest my head against his shoulder. It’s nice. My eyes struggle to stay open. We’d gotten up so early.

“Shinji, we’re here,” his voice is right in my ear, waking me up in no time.

“S-Sorry, I started dozing off.”

“It’s alright. It was comfy,” he steps out and helps me put the cello on the sidewalk.

“Thankfully my building has an elevator.”

The exterior is pretty nice looking—nicer than my building, at least. He ushers me inside and we wait for the elevator to make its descent.

“This place is pretty nice. How do you afford it?”

“A lot of hours,” he sighs, still smiling.

An elevator ride and a few steps later and we’re at his front door. My throat feels tight. I’m entering someone else’s apartment, someone who says they’re falling for me. I haven’t even seen Toji and Kensuke’s place before. My blood feels erratic in my veins.

Kaworu casually opens the door and moves to the side to allow me space. My jaw drops when I see his apartment layout. His living room is at least twice as large as mine and he has two bedrooms instead of one. His kitchen is small, but looks newly renovated, and he even has a tiny dining room to accompany it. His décor gives a very modern, minimalist feel. It’s stunning.

“Wow, Kaworu, your apartment is really nice!”

“I try my best to make it feel like home, so thank you.”

A rustling sound along with squeaks reaches my ears.

“Is that Tabris?”

“I believe so. Would you like to enter his domain?”

The cello leaves my hands as I catapult myself toward the guest bedroom. Upon entry, the little white ferret is digging in a rice box, getting the grains everywhere and anywhere.

“He loves that thing. It’s a pain to clean, but it makes him happy.”

Kaworu’s voice causes the little weasel to run our way, his red eyes skeptical.

“Gosh, he looks just like you—but in ferret form, of course.”

“I was so surprised when I saw him. I saw so much of myself in him. He was the last one left at the store. I had to have him.”

Tabris hooked himself onto Kaworu’s pantleg and hoisted himself all the way up to his shoulders. Curling around his neck, he looked like a fur scarf.

“He’s so cute,” I pet Tabris’s forehead with my index finger, gushing at the softness of his fur.

Kaworu gives him a few scratches before placing him back down in his rice box.

“I’m itching to play music with you, Shinji. Let us go.”

“Oh, right! Let’s go!”

Somehow I had completely missed the piano that sat in the corner of the living room. A violin case sat beside it.

“So, do you make your neighbors happy, or are they mad?”

“It depends on the day,” Kaworu chuckles.

“What will you play?”

“Hmm, I think I’d like my violin today. I’ve been neglecting it as of late.”

Kaworu pulls his two dining room chairs into the center of the living room for us to sit and play on. We get ourselves—and our instruments—warmed up for a few minutes. Then, it’s as if Kaworu’s head sprouts a lightbulb. His hand flies into his violin case and comes out with sheets of music.

“Could we play this? It’s a beautiful duet, but I’ve only ever been able to play one part of it.”

My heart thuds pleasantly at his words. I remember him asking me to be our metronome. Maybe my pulse should take the lead?

“Sure, it looks easy enough.”

The song begins with a violin solo, shortly followed by the introduction of the cello. The rest is a back and forth song with a meshed ending. Kaworu gets into position, violin resting in the crook of his neck, his eyes closed. Does he know it by heart?

He starts playing. The melody is perfect. His nimble fingers move and shake against the strings like an angel playing a harp. His eyes flicker open every now and then to make sure he’s following the notes right. My hands shake as I ready myself for my introduction. I don’t want to look away.

_He’s breathtaking when he plays. Oh, it’s my turn!_

I have a little bit of a rocky start, but I think anything would sound rocky if it were coming straight after Kaworu’s notes. I try to keep my eyes focused on the sheet instead of Kaworu’s prying eyes. My tones start to sound more natural, and I feel the room fade away. It’s just us and the music.

Kaworu starts up again. My lower notes sound fantastic with his higher ones, and I sneak a glance at him. His eyes are completely closed again, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. His fingers quiver across the strings. The metronome inside of me quickens.

_You should leave. You might do something you regret._

_Fuck off. We’re great together. _

As the song closes, I suddenly feel the sweat on my forehead. My body is shaking a little, too. It’s exhilarating. Kaworu slowly puts his instrument down and wipes his forehead.

_It seems he got a little tuckered out, too._

“Oh, Shinji, that was wonderful,” his voice sounds nearly euphoric.

“I-It really was. Should we do another?”

His eyes glaze over with an emotion that I can’t quite pinpoint. Wild, almost.

“Absolutely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the nice feedback! Here's my kawoshin playlist, too! 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4PYl2sXJnR1zRwllEoVgvZ?si=c-_g39e2Ts2DfX0zxVmnJg


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late upload!! Life got hectic for a hot minute. Here's chapter 4!

**Kaworu**

_Oh my stars, this boy will be the death of me. We play so well together. _

For the next hour, we play more songs together, exploring rhythms and personal preferences. I’m having the time of my life, and honestly, it’s exciting me a bit more than it should. My entire being wishes to scoop him up in my arms and kiss the living daylights out of him, but I must remember his wishes. I must follow along with his pace or risk ruining the line.

When we’ve had our fill, we sit down on my couch and sip on some soda.

“Would you like to watch a movie or something? I’ve got a lot to choose from,” I motion to my dvd case, filled to the brim with cinema.

He looks nervous. Well, maybe not so much nervous, but apprehensive, to let himself truly make decisions and live. Something is holding him back.

“Are you okay Shinji? If you’re not comfortable, I can call a taxi to take you home.”

“N-No, that’s not it, sorry. I’m just still not used to this.”

_Fragile like glass. I don’t want to shatter him_.

“That’s quite alright. We have all the time in the world.”

Time.

“I think I know a movie that we’d enjoy. I have it but never finished watching it.”

“Oh, okay!”

Scrounging through my collection, I eventually come across _About Time_. It’s a romantic comedy with a serving of tragedy, from what I’ve heard. I pop in the disc and turn down the lights before plopping myself down next to Shinji. As I press play, I not-so-subtly stretch my arm around his shoulders. Though he starts, he calms quickly and even leans into my touch.

The movie starts. It’s engaging, interesting, romantic. We share the same reactions at certain parts, scooting ever closer together. The longer the story goes on, though, the more heart breaking it becomes. Some parts are happy, though they are quickly followed by grief. I hear Shinji sniffle, and to my dismay, I feel wetness on my shoulder.

“Shinji? Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s just sad,” his voice cracks with emotion.

My hand caresses his side, slowly rubbing it to comfort him. I will admit, though, the sad parts are horrendously heartbreaking. When it comes to a close, I turn to him and his entire face is covered in tears.

“Oh, Shinji, it’s okay!”

“I’m s-sorry, once I start I c-can’t stop,” his hands shield his face from mine.

_I’m worried, but he’s just so adorable, too._

_ “_I found it sad, too, but at least it had a happy ending, huh?”

“Yeah,” he uncovers his eyes to wipe at his nose.

I hand him a tissue, which he then blows into.

“God, I’m pathetic.”

“On the contrary, I appreciate how empathetic you are, Shinji. You’ve earned my empathy too, after all.”

“Your empathy?”

I use another tissue to clean off his puffy face.

“Yes. It means that I care for you dearly.”

“Oh, Kaworu, I really don’t deserve you.”

A dam breaks within me. Again, my hands find their way to the sides of his face. We’re maybe an inch apart now.

“You do. You deserve the world. I’ll give it to you, if you’d let me.”

“Kaworu, how do I know you won’t hurt me? Won’t drop me? How do I know you’re not lying?”

Pain sears across my ribs. How many times has this boy been hurt?

“I guess you don’t, and we haven’t known each other long, but something in my gut makes me drawn to you.”

His teeth clench together, and he begins crying again. My heart breaks as his fresh tears fall.

“You don’t know me! You shouldn’t know me! I’m horrible! I’m broken, Kaworu!”

“Tell me these things! I’ll listen without judgement, I promise you!”

Sobs leave his throat and it reaches my ears like an angel falling from grace.

“I’ll have no ill-will toward you if you decide you do not wish to be in my company, but if you do wish to be, know that I’m all ears. I’m here for you.”

His sobs turn to wails, fingers scratching at his thighs through his shorts.

“I’m a liar! I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to hate me,” he pulls the shorts up to show the skin there.

Dozens and dozens of cuts—old and new—riddle his thighs. They’re painful and red. His sobs catch in his throat and turn to whimpers. Snot oozes from his nose.

“My mother died. My father hates me. My Aunt pities me. Above all, I hate myself. I don’t deserve your love,” he garbles out.

“My love is unconditional. I will love all of you, even the parts you think are bad,” I cover his scars with my palm.

“But why? Kaworu, I’m so scared.”

His last words hurt me more than the origin of my scars. His fear is palpable, but I can’t do much to ease his worries. All I can do is be honest and realize his fear of intimacy.

“You need not be afraid of me. I’d never harm you.” 

“Can y-you just hold me?”

I immediately oblige, holding him flush against my collar bone. I whisper sweet nothings to him, slowly easing his stress. He stops crying and I help him breathe again.

“I’m here, I’m real, and I’m not trying to hurt you,” I say as I kiss his temple.

Shinji sniffles and looks at me once more. He looks red, tired, spent. I get an idea.

“Would you be open to taking a nice, warm bath? I even have a bath bomb.”

“That sounds really good,” his words slur in just the slightest.

“May I join you? I mean nothing sexual by this. I’d like to show you how serious I am about being open and honest with you. Everything laid bare.”

“Us, naked?”

“In our purest forms.”

“But, when adults are naked…”

“Nudity doesn’t necessarily mean sex. If you don’t want to, though, I can still get the bath ready for just you.”

“No,” he clutches me tighter.

“I want to be with you. Could you maybe close your eyes when I, um, get undressed?”

“Of course, if you’re sure you’re okay with it,” I kiss his temple again.

A deep, loud exhale escapes his mouth. It’s like he’s letting go of that something that held him back before.

“I am. I’m sure.”

“The water will feel so nice. It always relaxes me after a long day.”

“Mm,” he mumbles and nuzzles his nose against mine.

“If it makes you feel better, the bath bomb will make the water colored, so we won’t even be able to see through it.”

“Okay,” he responds lazily.

_His emotions change so quickly. He seems so serene now. I’m glad._

Turning the knob to my shower, I let the water pour into the basin to fill the tub. I test the temperature, making sure it’s not too hot or too cold. Just right. Just enough to rid him of his bodily tension.

“Kaworu?”

Shinji’s voice sounds from the other side of the door. I acknowledge him.

“I need a towel.”

Steam must be shooting through my ears. The image of him naked, just inches away, makes me gasp. Before I can focus on it more, I grab a towel and pass it through the door, his hand swiping it quickly.

_Calm yourself. This bath is to make Shinji feel better. Getting aroused will not help. _

“Shinji, do you want to get in first? I’ll close my eyes.”

“Okay, I-I’m coming in now, then.”

The door creeks open. I shut my eyes and cover them with my palms for extra security.

“The bath bomb is on the shelf, there, by the toilet. Just toss it in.”

Soon, I hear the splash of the ball going in, followed by the fizz. The aroma starts to fill the small space. It’s heavenly. A minute or so passes.

“The colors are so cool! It’s even glittery!”

_He’s so cute. _

“I think I’m gonna get in now. Um, I’ll tell you when you can look.”

My ears pick up on the sound of his towel dropping, then his first foot entering the water. He sighs quietly as he lowers himself into the water fully.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

I’ve never opened my eyes faster in my life.

**Shinji**

Maybe I’m crazy for doing this, but I don’t seem to care anymore. The breakdown I just had really cleared my head. I need to realize what’s important to me and stick to it.

_He’ll rape you._

The intrusive thought makes me gag.

_He wouldn’t. _

I give Kaworu the go-ahead and he pinpoints me straight away. Feeling confident, I straighten my slouch so that my bare chest may sit above the purple and blue water. I wait for his next move.

“May I join you?”

I nod before I can even think about it. Kaworu removes his shirt, exposing his pale torso. My metronome tick, tick, ticks all the while. When he starts removing his pants, my face instinctually switches to staring at the wall.

_I mustn’t run away. He’d want you to look._

He’s completely naked when I look again. His hips, his thighs, his legs, his—

_Oh, god, that feeling in my stomach is back. Don’t be gross. _

I shift to one side so that he can sit next to me. That feeling in me only builds as he gets closer, his body climbing into the tub. He almost looks like a perfect marble statue. The only thing that reminds me that it’s him is the little goofy smile he gives me.

“It feels good, doesn’t it? Smells good, too.”

“It does. Thank you,” I get brave and give him a peck on the cheek.

The sigh of contentment that follows makes me shudder.

“Here, lay back with me,” he begins shifting to a more restful position.

As he lays back, he beckons me to do the same, his chest meeting my back. My head now rests in the crook of his shoulder, just like his violin. We’re fully submerged, and the bath bomb surrounds us in color rather than visible skin. It makes me less self-conscious.

Kaworu’s arms circle around me, hands resting on top of mine just above my stomach. It’s better than any loveseat.

“Are you doing okay?”

He always makes sure to check in on me. The metronome ticks even faster.

“Mhm, I’m more than okay. I’m with you,” I turn my head to rest more comfortably against his neck.

“I feel the same,” he proceeds to lay his head on top of mine.

It’s actually really nice being like this. We’re naked, but there’s nothing sexual going on. Kaworu hasn’t pushed sex at all. It’s refreshing. All my life, I’ve had sex—particularly with women—shoved down my throat, whether I was interested in it or not. I am, but on my own time. He understands this, especially since I’m still a virgin.

Still, kissing has proved to be enjoyable.

“Hey, Kaworu?”

“Hmm?”

Without another response, I steal a quick kiss and giggle. The shock on his face is priceless. My triumph doesn’t last long, though, for he soon swoops in for a kiss himself. It’s chaste and sweet. I want a little more.

I close the gap between us again, experimenting with kissing longer. I mimic him and tilt my head like he did earlier. He does the same, the water trickling as he raises his hand to cup the back of my head. This time, when I pull away, Kaworu leans forward, caught off guard by the sudden lack of contact. It’s both endearing and empowering.

“You never stop surprising me, you know that?”

“You keep me on my toes. I’m just returning the favor,” I grin.

My muscles begin to really loosen up. Scooting myself down a bit, I allow my head to float freely in the water, my feet now sticking out against the shower wall. Since my ears are submerged, I cannot hear anything, not even the voices. I look up and it’s just me and Kaworu in this moment. I float there a while, even daring to close my eyes.

_He won’t hurt me. I’m okay. _

Water shifts around me, so I open my eyes again. I see his lips mouthing something. I can’t hear him, so I finally sit up and out of the water and shake my ears out. Instead of leaning against him, I turn around to face him, my legs tangling with his.

“I didn’t hear you, sorry.”

“Would you like to stay the night? It’s getting pretty late. If not, I can still call a taxi.”

_He’s trying to fuck you, I told you. Leave now._

“Um, I’m not sure.”

“You could have my bed, if you like! I’ll take the couch. I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed.”

“No! If anything, I’ll take the couch!”

“Absolutely not,” his chivalry is final.

I bite my lip in frustration. The problems of being polite.

“Okay, well since we can’t decide, then we’ll have to share the bed.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut incoming

**Kaworu**

Shinji is staying the night. He’s changing into some of my old clothes. How did I ever get so lucky? I’m so happy he feels comfortable enough to stay.

I’ve already changed into a tank top and boxers. Clicking my bedside lamp on, I pull out my current book and reading glasses. My insides are alight, but I’d never show it. I’m just glad that I get to share my space with Shinji. If acting calm and collected helps him more, then I’ll be even more glad. He eventually does come out of the bathroom, adorned in one of my boxers and raggedy shirts.

Honestly, it’s both adorable and attractive.

“Hi,” he greets me shyly as he tucks into the covers.

“Hello. Comfy?”

“Mhm. You wear glasses?”

“Just to read. Do you like them?”

“Yeah, they look good,” he lays on his side to look at me.

One hand holds my book while the other massages Shinji’s scalp. I notice his eyes starting to close, only to fly open again every few seconds.

“You can trust me, Shinji. I wouldn’t dare lay a finger on you unless you asked me to.”

“I know. Old habits just die hard. I get so scared and I can’t stop it,” he confides.

“Well, talk to me then. Get your mind off bad things.”

“Okay, um…”

As I read, I flicker my attention to him on and off. He’s in deep thought. He usually is. I adore that about him, though it can be his downfall sometimes.

“Have you been in other relationships before?”

It’s a bit of an unexpected question, but it’s not exactly discouraged.

“I’ve had a few. They’ve been mostly physical, though. Much more casual.”

“So, you mean, like, friends with benefits?”

I feel him shift uncomfortably as he says the last few words.

“Kind of. They were more like flings that didn’t lead anywhere emotionally. They’re nowhere near our connection,” I resume curling my fingers in his hair.

“Ah, okay.”

“Shinji, I have a question of my own. I’m in no rush, but are you interested in sex?”

“U-Uh, well, I’m not _not_ down for it, but I’m inexperienced,” he sighs.

“I understand. Don’t worry, love,” my thumb skims his forehead.

“You know by now that I can get very nervous,” he laughs a little at the end.

“Mmm, and that’s okay, too. I still do sometimes.”

“You? Kaworu? Getting nervous?”

I put down the book, turn off the lamp, and tuck myself into the covers. Though it’s dark, the shine of Shinji’s eyes is just ahead of me.

“Yes, sometimes. I used to be nervous all the time, really. My scars had to come from somewhere,” now I’m the one getting apprehensive.

Shinji’s hand runs over the sensitive, scarred flesh, as if remembering that they were there.

“You can talk to me, too, Kaworu.”

“I know. I just sometimes fear that talking about it will bring back the demons I’ve exorcised.”

“Well, then I’ll chase them away again!”

_He knows of pain, yet he’s still so sweet. _

“When I think about it, there’s not much to tell. It was like my brain was broken into a million pieces. I saw and heard things that no one would ever want to experience. Voices—beings—urging me to commit hideous acts. To think hideous things. When no one believed they were real, I took to committing these atrocities on myself. I went too far, is all.”

Shinji seems to inhale all the oxygen in the room. He snuggles closer, his hand still on one of my arms.

“Oh, Kaworu, I hear those kinds of voices, too. I think they’re a little different, though. They don’t urge me to do bad things, but instead, make me think that bad things will happen if I ever try to do something enjoyable.”

“I’m so sorry,” my own hand trails up to Shinji’s thigh to bandage the cuts with my palm.

For the millionth time, he jumps, but quickly stills.

“Y-Yeah. It keeps saying that you’ll, that you’ll—”

Cracking noises sound from his throat and break his voice. He fights through it.

“That you’ll hurt me. Trick me. Rape me. Kill me. God, I can’t—”

“I’d never, ever do any of those things. I’d sooner die.”

“I know. I know it’s all bullshit, but it’s like my father has placed them in my head. They make me feel like I don’t ever deserve to be truly happy,” a sob sits at the edge of his lips.

“You do. Most everyone deserves happiness.”

“I’m not sure I even know what that word means anymore. I feel it when I’m with you, but they tell me it will end, anyway.”

Wrapping him up in an embrace, I pull him impossibly close, shushing him sweetly.

“We don’t know what the next day-- the next minute—will bring. We must stay present to stay sane in this world. I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry. You said to talk about other things so I wouldn’t get sad.”

“No need to apologize. I told you I’m all ears.”

He kisses me, his cheek wet from a single tear drop. Everything is so close, so warm. The sheets feel like static against us. We stay like that a while, simply kissing and reveling in the wonder of this apartment away from everything that could hurt us.

I’m not sure of when, or how, this happens, but the mood shifts in the slightest. The kisses get a little more heated, a little more confident. In the darkness, I feel his hands splay across my chest, fingers lightly gripping at my shirt. Attempts at using tongue are made, and I feel myself ready to faint.

I’m unsure of what I should do. He said he wanted to take things slow, but he’s initiating this.

His kisses leave me gasping like I never have before. It’s like all of his emotions are pouring into me, all the good and bad. When I gasp once more, I take a breath and speak.

“Shinji, I’m not disappointed, but don’t feel pressured to—”

“I want to. I don’t hear the voices tonight. I’m doing what I want to do.”

“Shinji—”

“I want to be so close to you it _hurts_.”

“Oh, Shinji, I feel the same,” my blood pounds ever harder.

Our lips crash together again, a mess of passion and tongues. He probes my mouth, looking for guidance. I give it to him, and even get a moan in return.

_I never want to stop hearing that. _

Instinct kicks in, and soon I’m latching onto his throat, showering it with kisses and nips. Shinji arches against me, desperate for more contact, and whimpers under my affections.

“K-Kaworu—”

The mention of my name makes me stop and ignore the hunger now residing inside me.

“Do you need to stop?”

To my elation, but also confusion, he starts laughing

“No, no, Kaworu. It just feels good,” his blush intensifies.

“Oh, well, then,” I respond and get back to business.

I travel all around his neck and collar bones, ghosting over his throat and rearing up to the shell of his ear. He lets out a particularly loud whine when I get there.

_Noted. _

On the other hand, I feel myself getting inexplicably hard. I’ve never gotten so excited so quickly. His delicious noises will be my downfall. Thankfully, he pulls my face up and kisses me until I’m blue in the face. We’ve only just begun and I’m already so breathless. Sweat is building on my brow so I untuck the comforter from us. The cold air of the A.C is a godsend. When I reach down to take off my shirt, Shinji stops me.

“Could I--?”

He looks at me, my shirt, and then back at me.

“Oh, of course. Do the honors,” I flash him a smile.

Slow hands bring my tank top over my head and discard it to the bedroom floor. Those same hands then travel down my chest to take in every nook and cranny. I’ve never been openly explored like this. Obviously, we’re becoming very physically intimate, but emotionally, too. It’s a nice balance. Shinji is being entranced by my torso when I hear him mumble.

“Hm?”

“Oh, nothing, it’s nothing. You’re just so, so perfect,” his words are a stream of consciousness.

“I’d like to see your perfection too, if I may,” I motion to my shirt on his frame.

He nods, so I carefully lift the shirt off of him and set it aside. I can’t believe my eyes when I see how thin he is. Still, he’s breathtaking, and I drink in the sight. I notice he’s staring at the mattress.

“Shinji, we really can stop if you need to.”

“It’s not that. I’m just taking in everything. I want to remember every detail,” his hand fists the sheets, fingers studying their texture.

_He’s delicate like butterfly wings. _

When he lifts his head to look at me again, I see a renewed energy in his features. His form rises and falls with a deep, purifying breath.

“Okay.”

My hand guides him onto his back as I position myself above him. The faint glow of the moon outside illuminates my pale skin as well as the desire in his irises. However, we must take things slowly.

I resume my cascade of kisses ranging from his mouth, to his neck, to his chest, indulging in the reward of his crooning. As I press my body into his, I instantly feel his arousal against my leg and can’t help thinking that it’s the most satisfying thing in the world. He hisses in pleasure at the contact.

“Is this okay, Shinji?”

It takes him a moment to respond.

“Y-Yeah. Just sensitive. It’s embarrassing.”

“Not at all. I find it very seductive,” I whisper and grind my hips down against his.

We both groan at the friction. We need more. I grind into him once again and he reciprocates.

“Ah, Kaworu,” he pants next to my ear as his hands dig into my white locks.

“Sh-Shinji,” I moan as we begin to roll into each other.

The grinding intensifies, the room filling with our soft huffs of breath. It seems that we are duetting again. The friction is intoxicating, but I need more. Shinji needs more. On a whim, I reach down and press my hand against his dick, rubbing it through the boxers.

“F-Fuck,” I hear him curse for the first time.

“Does that feel good, Shinji?”

“Yes,” it’s barely more than an exhale.

This spurs me to rub harder, faster. Shinji squirms and whines under me, unable to keep still at the amount of electricity I’m eliciting. He shakily grabs my hand at work.

“S-Stop, I want you to feel good too.”

“I _do_ feel good, Shinji.”

This last sentence barely leaves my mouth before I feel his hand travel from my wrist to the outline of my cock.

“O-Oh—”

He dares to pump me through my underwear.

“Sh-Shinji—”

“_Now_ you feel good,” he smirks at me and all my inhibition shatters.

In an instant I throw myself against him, rocking my hips into his touch while simultaneously bumping against his own erection. His pumps become erratic as he’s filled with his own, overflowing amount of pleasure.

“Ah, god, oh my god,” he moans on repeat.

“You feel and sound so good. Please don’t stop,” I grunt and groan as I work myself against him.

“K-Kaworu?”

“Hm?”

“Please—”

“Please, what? What do you need?”

I want to make sure he’s okay, but I’m teasing him, too.

“Y-You know,” he glances away and bites his lip.

“Shinji, I won’t do anything unless you ask me.”

“Touch me. Touch me now. _Please_,” he blurts out, surprised at his own voice.

“Your wish is my command.”

I practically rip his boxers off, only stopping momentarily to remove my own. When I look down and see how pent up we both are, I feel as if I could cum on the spot. Getting an idea, I press my dick against his and wrap my hand around the both of us.

“Ha-ah, Kaworu!”

“_God_, Shinji,” I cover his mouth with my own and kiss him sloppily.

Pumping the both of us proves to be tricky, but well worth it. We continue to roll ourselves into one another, aiding in my motions. Shinji’s hand remains in my hair, now pulling at the strands.

“Y-You’re amazing, Shinji,” even when on the edge of an orgasm I must praise him.

It seems it may be a kink of some sort for both of us.

“Kaworu, say it again--!”

My thumb rests over the head of his cock and spreads the pre-cum collecting there.

“Y-You’re amazing, Shinji. Beautiful, smart—”

“Fu-uck,” he cries out, cutting off my speech.

He’s close. So am I.

“You’re wonderful, Shinji, just wonderful,” I’m nearing my limit.

“Ah, ha-ah, oh--!”

A moment later I feel warm, sticky liquid spread over my fingers. His mouth hangs open in a silent scream followed by an avalanche of sighs and whimpers. His hips continue to rock against me as he rides out his orgasm. It puts me over the edge.

When I cum, I see stars. There are holes in my vision. My entire essence has no outline. Everything is pleasant and numb. The only thing I feel is Shinji’s breath and the mess on our stomachs. I think I must’ve cried out with him. It takes me a while to come down from such a high. When I do, my lungs are screaming for oxygen as I collapse on top of him. We lay like that, panting and gasping, for what feels like years. When we quiet down, he is the first to speak.

“H-Holy shit,” he incredulously laughs.

I turn my head and rest my cheek against his shoulder, humming as I move.

“Indeed.”

“I…I can’t believe I just did that,” he laughs again.

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, in my head, I was thinking that it would take me a long time to muster the courage to do anything like this in my life. But, with you…”

“It’s easy,” I finish his sentence.

“Yeah, easy,” he echoes my statement, eyes half-lidded in appeasement.

I shift to get more comfortable when I realize the monumental mess we’ve made of the bed and ourselves. I unstick from him.

“I suppose we should clean up.”

His face turns beet red. Funny, the things that fluster him.

We take to the bathroom to wash ourselves.

“I guess we should’ve waited to take a bath,” I chuckle and hand him a towel.

“Well, it’s not too late to shower,” he looks at me expectedly.

In a single movement I toss my towel over his back and reel him closer to me.

“You’re just so full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Instead of replying, he reaches over and turns the nob to the shower.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shinji** _  
  
_

In all honesty, I’m just as surprised at myself as Kaworu is. Never, in my wildest dreams, would I have thought I’d be this at home with someone—and so quickly, too. It doesn’t feel real.

_I’ve had my first kiss. I’m no longer a virgin. I’m okay with these things. I don’t need to fear change. _

Now we’re in the shower, Kaworu combing through my hair with his nimble fingers. My body feels like jello, but I force myself to stand and soak in this moment. Just like in the bedroom, I want to remember every detail. The temperature of the water. The squeak of the tile beneath our feet. The lavender smell of the shampoo he starts massaging through my hair. Kaworu’s humming of the duet we played earlier.

“Thank you, Kaworu.”

“Hm? For what?”

“Just, for everything.”

“I should be thanking_ you_, Shinji.”

“Okay, we both thank each other then,” I laugh, wanting to push his buttons.

“Truce,” he obliges and begins to rinse the shampoo from my hair.

“Have you showered like this with anyone else, Kaworu?”

“No.”

“Good,” I reply selfishly.

“Also, if it gives you peace of mind, I’m clean. I’ve always made sure my partners were clean, too.”

_I think he means sexually. Good, so no worries about STD’s. _

_He’s lying._

_Get out. _

He hands me a loofa to wash myself with, but I find myself longing to wash his hair like he did with me. I point to the shampoo bottle.

“Kaworu, may I?”

“Mm, I would love that,” he hands it to me, and I get to work.

I stand behind him as he douses himself under the showerhead. His pale hair turns gray when wet and sticks to his slender neck. He sighs in contentment when I start lathering in the soap. As I run my nails along his scalp, I notice that I must’ve run my nails along his back, too. There’s a few marks from when I was holding him. My cheeks feel hot again. No matter. The luxurious shampoo foams to the point of bubbling and completely covers Kaworu’s head. Some of it slides down my arms.

“Okay, let’s rinse it out now,” I suggest.

Turning around, he leans his head back into the water and works the soap out with his own hands. The expanse of his throat looks me straight in the face. It’s enticing. I swallow thickly at the sight of it.

_Am I really that horny again? Stop it!_

We move onto washing our bodies, and I suddenly feel inadequate. He’s lean, but there’s a vague hint of muscle underneath the lithe exterior. As for me, I’m basically skin and bone. A twig.

_I guess I can’t help not having money to eat well all the time._

One last rinse and we’re done. We start toweling ourselves off. He’s drying his hair when I spot his scars again. The heat of the shower had made them especially red. I trace my finger down one of them, take ahold of his wrist, and leave a trail of kisses in my finger’s wake.

“You’re very sweet, Shinji,” he swoons.

Kaworu takes his towel off his hair and wraps it around us, pulling us firmly together. I think the metronome inside me is broken at this point. It has short-circuited.

“Are you hungry? I know it’s late, but I could whip up something simple,” Kaworu tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

My stomach grumbles before I can reply.

“I believe that’s a yes?”

Kaworu offers me more clothes to wear. Boxers too. It’s still so surreal. When I head to the kitchen, he’s already starting on food. The scent of cinnamon greets me. It’s all so domestic—he’s even wearing an apron and flipping eggs.

“How does French toast and eggs sound?”

My elbow rests on the counter as I watch the toast and eggs sputter on the stove. Such a simple recipe, yet, I’ve never thought of doing it before. Seems cheap enough.

“Sounds great!”

“Well, obviously, make yourself at home. I think there’s juice in the fridge, if you’d like.”

Luckily, he’s right, and I pour myself a glass. He already has a mug of coffee on the dining table, so I set mine next to it. It’s a pretty picture.

“Almost done over here,” he pats powdered sugar over the finished product.

Saliva threatens to pour from my mouth when he sets the dishes down. One is full of several thick, fluffy, sugared French toasts, and the other is full of perfect sunny side-up eggs.

“No wonder you work at a café!”

“Oh, it’s not that hard to make,” he replies humbly.

I realize this is the second time we’ve eaten breakfast together and giggle internally.

Hunger rises in me and makes me scarf down three eggs in one go. Kaworu is eating much more daintily, to my chagrin. He seems pleased, though, so I grab another egg and fork over two pieces of toast. It’s all so delicious and so unlike the meals I usually have. I’d gotten used to ramen, crackers, and cereal.

“Do you need me to make more? It’s no trouble.”

Gulping down a few more bites, his words hit me when I see that I’ve nearly emptied the dishes.

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay! I’m glad you enjoy my cooking,” he finishes up his plate and dabs at his mouth with a napkin.

“I’m full, but I can make more if you’re still hungry.”

Thankfully, satiation starts to come over me with my last few bites.

“Oh, no, no. I’m good. It was really great. Thank you, Kaworu.”

He responds by letting out a long, drawn-out yawn.

“Um, I’ll do the dishes, if you want. Go lay down. I’ll join you in a sec,” I want to repay him.

“Are you sure?”

Scooching over, I lay a peck on his cheek and push him toward his bedroom.

Washing the dishes doesn’t take long—20 minutes at the most—and I escort myself to his bed. I blush when I look at the sheets, remembering our actions a mere hour ago. That jello-like feeling returns to my bones as I flop onto the mattress. Kaworu shuts his lamp off once again and puts his book down. He gets comfortable, a hand under his pillow and another hand resting on my back.

“Good night,” he says quietly, eyes closed.

“G’night, Kaworu,” I nuzzle his nose with mine.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I remember feeling safe.

  * _  
  
_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

My phone’s blaring alarm shakes me from my slumber. For a moment, I’m in a state of complete confusion.

Where am I? What day is it? Who is next to me?

Then I remember and yesterday’s memories flood back to me. The sunrise. The duet. The movie. The nighttime. As if to emphasize this, Kaworu shifts next to me.

“Shinji?”

Though previously turned away from me, he flips himself over and looks at me with tired eyes.

Oh, my phone is still going off. I look at the screen.

_Work._

Panic burns through me.

“Shit, I forgot that I work today,” I shout as I spring from the bed.

Kaworu’s hand shoots forward and grasps mine.

“You what?”

“I-I have a shift today. I need to get home and take care of the girls before I go in.”

“Oh, I’ll call you a taxi,” he lets go and grabs his phone.

“Fuck, I’m gonna be so late,” I curse to myself and open his closet door.

_Oh, right, my clothes are at home. A few miles away. _

When Kaworu hangs up, I blurt out my panic to him.

“Kaworu, can I borrow some sweatpants? I have no clothes to even go home in. God, I’m gonna get in trouble, how did I—”

“Shh, relax. What’s done is done. Focus on what you _can_ control,” he coaches me.

_Breathe. _

“I’m trying. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forgotten.”

“No need to berate yourself. It happens. In fact, I have work today too. I was supposed to start two hours ago,” he chuckles light-heartedly.

There’s a beep of a car horn outside after I’ve changed clothes.

“There’s your taxi. Stop by my café when you’re heading to work. I get a free snack, so I’ll let you have it,” he smoothes out my shirt.

There’s no time to be polite. I kiss him lightly on the lips.

“Okay, thank you so much, Kaworu.”

“Hurry along, now,” he kisses my forehead, breath still smelling like coffee from the night before.

Back at my apartment, I hurriedly feed and water my rabbits in the midst of getting my uniform on.

“I’m so sorry girls! I love you! We can play later!”

Nearly tripping over myself on the stairs, I make it to the street, my iPod’s earbuds tangling as I go. Eventually I get them in my ears, but instead of a relaxing walk, I find myself nearly jogging. I flash a look at my watch. I should’ve been at the register twenty minutes ago. The taxis are tempting, but I really want to save my money.

My pace nearly cuts my commute in half. I’m going so fast that I don’t even realize I’ve passed Kaworu’s work until I hear his voice call to me.

“Shinji! Wait!”

I’ve never spun around so fast. His face almost literally sweeps me off his feet. We smile at each other and then he throws something to me. Thankfully I catch it. It’s a protein bar. When I look up, he winks at me.

“Onward!”

“Y-Yeah! See ya later!”

I tear the package open as I continue my fast walking. I’m not usually one for power bars, but this one is pretty good. I round the corner to my grocery store just as I finish up the measly breakfast. I discard the wrapper and hustle inside. Not only are we slammed, but Asuka is on register. She looks pissed. My feet carry me to the breakroom, where I quickly clock in. I dash back to the front of the store.

“Asuka, I’m sorry! I’m here! Where do you want me?”

Her face is scrunched with annoyance when she turns my way, still bagging items.

“Stupid Shinji, where the hell have you been? You’re an hour late!”

“I’ll explain later. Tell me where to go!”

So she does and I’m back in my cuticle of customer service. The excitement of last night still lingers, though it has left me exhausted. Doing those new things and then having to deal with the general public is very draining. Since I was late, I’ll have to stay later, too. That means the sun will have set by then.

_I hope Kaworu will walk with me. _

Lunch time comes, but I’m not hungry. Actually, I’m itching to tell _somebody_ about what’s transpired between me and Kaworu. As if on cue, Rei walks in and sits across from me.

_Just like she always does._

“Hello, Shinji. I saw you were late today. Is everything okay?”

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. More than fine, I think,” I feel jittery as I speak.

“Oh?”

“I’ve, uh, started seeing someone. Dating, I mean,” my leg taps against the concrete.

“Shinji, that’s wonderful,” her serious demeanor softens at my news.

“Thank you,” I scratch my neck, suddenly sheepish.

“WHATJA SAY? SHINJI’S GOT A GIRLFRIEND?”

Toji bursts through the door, mop in hand. He must’ve been eavesdropping as he cleaned. Kensuke pops up just behind him and pushes up his glasses.

“Spill the deets, nerd,” he playfully mocks me.

“Okay, okay, but close the door! I don’t need everyone hearing!”

_Or maybe I do?_

The boys slam the door closed and jump to the seats surrounding me and Rei. They hold their faces in their hands, showering me with bated breath.

“I dunno how else to say this, but, well—”

“Spit it out, dammit,” Toji urges.

“I don’t have a girlfriend. It’s a guy that I’m seeing.”

My friends go quiet. All three look at each other, shrug, and then look back to me.

“Love is love, Shinji,” Rei reassures.

An anchor of dread releases itself from my feet. I audibly let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, guys. I really, really like him,” I feel fuzzy all over when I admit it.

“What’s his name?”

“Where’s he live?”

“How’d you meet him?”

The plethora of questions makes my head spin. I try my best to answer them.

“H-His name is Kaworu. He lives here in the city. I met him when getting coffee one day. He’s a barista.”

“Ooh, sounds mysterious. You better let us meet him sometime,” Kensuke scruffs up my hair.

“M-Maybe if we get more serious—”

“Shinji, if _you_ like someone like this, then it _has_ to be serious,” Rei points out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Kaworu**

My day is long and tiring, especially after being chewed out by my manager for showing up late. Usually, my days are quick due to my enjoyment of it all. Today, though, I just want to get back to Shinji. Things feel so dull without him. I’ll have to stay two extra hours, at that. I’m not used to getting out so late.

_Maybe we’ll both get out at around the same time today. _

However, once I’m finally done, I’ve had no texts from him. He’s not outside of my shop, either. I decide to make my way to his grocery shop since it’s a 15-minute walk. Upon arrival, I immediately spot him through the glass doors. His line is full and he’s anxious. I want to help but I know its not my place to impend. Instead, I find a nearby bench and decide to wait.

_I’d wait all day for him. _

I’m idly swiping through my different apps when I hear an unpleasant voice rise above the crowd.

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me! You need a new cashier! This kid’s too slow!”

Narrowing my eyes, I lock onto the source—a man in Shinji’s line, to my dissatisfaction. Poor Shinji is very busy finishing up an order, but I can tell that he’d heard the man’s claim.

“Have a good day ma’am, “ he leans to hand the customer their receipt when he accidentally knocks over one of their bags.

Nothing breaks, but it makes the man behind them more agitated.

“Hurry it up! C’mon!”

Before I know it, I’m stalking over to the stranger, teeth ready for sinking. My eyes feel like slits. I come from behind and tap him on the shoulder.

“Sir, there’s no need to be so rude.”

His hand lands a blow on me as he smack me away.

“Get your hands off me, faggot! I’ve got freedom of speech!”

My anger only builds. Shinji looks absolutely horrified. I keep my cool.

“Your cashier is doing all he can. Surely there is worse things to get upset about?”

“What, like you invading my space? This is harassment.”

“Not sure this qualifies as harassment, but your words against this employee surely do,”I retort.

No more words are said. Only action. He swings a fist toward my face. Shinji screams.

“Kaworu!”

I see it coming and block it with my palm. I hold his arm in place, my knuckles whitening under the pressure.

“There’s no need for violence, either, sir.”

“Stop fucking talking and fight me like a man!”

I don’t see the second punch from his left arm coming. It makes contact with my face, sending me to the ground. Other customers gasp around me, one succeeding in cushioning my head from the fall. My cheek throbs with pain. When I lick my lips, I taste blood.

Thankfully, two men start ushering the man away, themselves barely keeping him contained. They look like two janitors. I blink and Shinji is suddenly at my side, tears welling under his eyelashes.

“Oh my god, Kaworu, are you okay?”

“I’ll live. I’d rather it be me than you,” I try to console him.

A familiar redhead comes upon the scene. She must be the shift manager.

“Hey, you’re that guy from the other day. Anyway, do you want to press charges?”

The crowd of customers cheer me on.

“No, thank you. Just make sure he can’t hurt anyone else.”

People sigh and shuffle away from us as another lane is opened up. Shinji holds me.

“I think you’re gonna have a black-eye,” he tucks hair from my face mournfully.

“It will heal. I just wanted him to stop calling you names. He’s no better than a child.”

“You didn’t have to do that. People get pissed with me all the time,” his arms shake.

“Well, I couldn’t just watch the one I love get yelled at, could I?”

“The one you love?”

We’re interrupted by the two janitors from earlier.

“You guys okay? Wait, Shinji, is this--?”

Shinji freezes and his hands turn sweaty. It seems he’s told his coworkers about us. It makes a flower of pride bloom in my chest.

“Ah, I’m Kaworu. Kaworu Nagisa,” I introduce myself through gritted teeth, the pain still shooting through me.

“Hey! I’m Toji and this is my roommate, Kensuke,” the taller one introduces himself and his bespectacled partner.

“Nice to meet you. Are you friends of Shinji’s?”

“Friends? More like best bros!”

“Yeah, bros,” Kensuke elbows Shinji playfully, eliciting a squeak from him.

“Sorry that guy went Hulk on you. Gotta admit, though, you blocking that first punch was pretty sweet,” the taller one compliments. 

“Hey, idiots!”

All of us turn and see Asuka standing before us.

“So, Rei said you’re seeing someone. This him?”

Shinji looks mortified.

“U-Uh, yes, it is.”

“Hm,” she looks me up and down.

“He’s weird, but he _can_ block a punch.”

Shinji helps me to my feet. I dust myself off and put my hand out.

“Kaworu Nagisa.”

She eyes my hand with uncertainty before aggressively shaking it.

“Asuka Langley Soryuu. Don’t break Stupid Shinji’s heart ‘cuz then I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Alright then. Shinji, you’re free to go. You, nerds, get back to work,” she snaps at Toji and Kensuke.

“Your friends are quite the characters.”

Shinji insisted that we get a taxi. That it was the least he could do to repay me.

He drags me into his apartment and situates me on his couch.

“Wait here,” he commands as he runs to his bathroom.

Hazel and Toffee twitch their little noses at me from across the room. Morse code?

He’s back in a flash with ointment and an ice pack from his freezer.

“Lemme put this stuff on so it doesn’t get infected.”

I close my bad eye as he applies the cream to the bruised cream. It stings, but I ignore. It’ll be much better than dealing with crust and puss. Coolness spreads through my face when he places the ice pack. His hand takes mine and has me hold it.

“Now, just hold it there a while. It’ll bring the swelling down.”

“Thank you, Nurse Shinji.”

“Well, between being bullied and cutting myself, I’ve picked up some good medical skills, at least!”

He then sits himself beside me and kisses my good side. I sling my arm around his waist.

“Thank you, love.”

“You shouldn’t be thanking me. I’m the reason you ended up like this. I’d like to take care of you,” he squeezes my thigh gently.

“Things happen. I’m just lucky to have you to nurse me back to health,” I offer him a crooked smile.

**Shinji**

As I sit with Kaworu, my mind keeps rewinding to when he blocked the stranger’s punch. He was so calm, so poised, so prepared. He’d simply said, “there’s no need for violence”. He stayed completely cool and collected—to defend me without wrecking more havoc. His confidence had been astounding.

_It was honestly really,_ really_ hot. _

My hand on his thigh lingers there. Should I make a move? Is it insensitive, because he’s in pain?

_Or maybe it would ease the pain?_

“Is something on your mind, Shinji?”

“No, just—”

I can’t finish the sentence when our eyes meet. Without thinking, I lean forward and plant a kiss on his throat. Then another. He hums in contentment and I feel the vibrations in my lips.

“You defended me today, even if it meant you were in danger.”

I mimic Kaworu’s kisses from yesterday, latching on and sucking in a few spots. He cranes his neck to give me more access while letting out a small moan.

“It was… really…”

I draw the words out as I pepper him with kisses. I even nip at his perfect jawline.

“Attractive.”

I feel air leave his nose in a steady rush. He pants my name. I’m already getting hard.

I move up to his lips. There’s a cut there, so I kiss him carefully. The ice pack slowly slips from his hand and he replaces it with my hair instead. My hand that’s still on his thigh begins to move upwards. The closer I get to my target, the harder I latch onto him. He’s keening now, just like I was yesterday.

Up until meeting Kaworu, the only sexual experience I’d had was porn, and, of course, masturbating. Porn programs always showed the women loud and full of noises. The men were always stoic and silent, save for a few grunts. However, when Kaworu is touched, he makes the most euphoric noises. There’s no holding back with him. I don’t hold back either. It makes our experiences together more pleasurable—the audible validation that we’re doing things right.

While still kissing him, I unzip his jeans enough to stick my hand inside his underwear. I grasp his cock and feel it twitch in the slightest. He’s only half-hard, but I can fix that.

_I guess his confidence is rubbing off on me. _

I kiss him with renewed vigor as I pump him. Something is missing, though. It’s too dry. All I have is lotion instead of lube. Then it hits me. What about using my mouth?

“Mmf, Shinji,” he moans into me.

For now, I must build up to it, so I spit in my hand and continue.

“Kaworu,” I reply just as desperately.

I hook one of my legs around him to get some friction, my own pre-erection calling. He reaches for my zipper but I push his hand away.

“No. This is for _you_,” I warn him.

“R-Right, you’re the metronome. Show me your pace, please,” his eyes blaze with lust.

I get down on my knees and position myself between his legs.

“Shinji, you don’t have—”

“I want to.”

He bites his lip, the cut threatening to bleed. He’s absolutely entranced with what   
I’m doing.

A new challenge lies before me. As we know, I’m new to sex, and I’ve never given oral. Porn has given me some material to work off of, though. I push my anxieties aside and pull his pants down to his ankles. He hisses quietly at the draft. Suddenly having his dick right in front of me is a little intimidating. Even yesterday I could barely see ourselves in the dark. It’s funny to see that even his happy trail is a pale, greyish white. I exhale, my breath falling against his inner thighs. It makes his hand shoot down and grasp my hair. The other is balled up in one the couch’s blankets.

Okay. It’s now or never.

I press forward and allow my tongue to make contact with the underside of his shaft. He tenses, his hold on me thickening. It’s weird—salty, mostly. Not the worst thing, though. I glide all the way up until I reach the head, where I give another experimental lick. He’s moaning again as I do teasing movements all around it and continue pumping him. My saliva is making it a lot easier now.

“Ha-ah, Shinji—”

I find myself liking this, specifically the control of it all. Everything is up to me, and for once, I’m not scared by it. It seems Kaworu likes it, too. He’s fully hard now. I breathe deeply through my nose and then take him into my mouth, about half of his length going in. My cheeks hollow a bit as I proceed to bob my head up and down, my hand still pumping in time with my mouth.

“_Oh_—"

His sultry voice nearly makes me—and my own arousal—jump out of my skin. I sloppily use my other hand to unzip my own pants and give myself some relief. As I bob, I put more emphasis on his head again, and his hips buck forward. This sends him deeper into my mouth, nearly making me gag. I ignore the feeling and continue to suck him for all he’s worth.

_And he’s worth a lot. _

“Y-You, ah, oh,” he squirms.

“Hmm?”

I ask, my throat causing vibrations to spread along his cock. His entire body shudders. I feel, and probably look, absolutely filthy. I’ve never felt this way before. I’m glad Kaworu has given me the chance to indulge in things like this. We lock eyes and I feel my knees go weak beneath me.

“You h-have no idea what you do to me,” he throws his head back against the pillows, face twisted in ecstasy.

“I think I do,” I tease as I take more of him into my mouth, ignoring my gag reflex again.

His hips start rocking more steadily, his hold on my head unwavering. I feel him slowly approaching orgasm, and I feel myself getting there, too. I’ve hardly even touched myself. A moment later, I’ve taken all of him, my nose nearly touching those curly white hairs.

“Oh, my_ lord_, Shinji,” he curses.

I make myself move faster, better. It’s been a learning process. The noises my mouth and his flesh make are unholy, for sure, and it only turns me on more. He’s panting so heavily I fear he may faint, but I’m reminded of his presence each time he cries out. His moans are coming out in long mewls, now, and I start to taste what I think is cum. It’s even more salty than his skin. My other hand dares to touch my own arousal, sending a loud groan from my pre-occupied throat.

“Ah, Shinji, I’m going to, oh—”

I take this as my cue to pull away, and I’m just in time as his orgasm erupts from him along with a long, loud cry of absolute euphoria. Some of his cum lands on my face instead of his stomach. The sensation of it all leads me to my own orgasm. As I shake and sputter and cry, I find myself on my living room floor, trying to catch my breath. When I look up, Kaworu is completely spent, both eyes closed.

_I’m sure that got rid of any pain he was having. _

He inhales enough air to speak once again.

“Goodness,” he huffs, pushing hair from his eyes.

“Good?”

“More than,” his chest heaves.

I lift myself back into a sitting position and smile. I’ve made a wreck of him. I never knew I had the ability to do that to anybody. Usually, _I’m_ the wreck. Kaworu’s nose nuzzles against my neck and a fresh rush of affection flows through me.

“I’m glad. Now, put this back on,” I command as I put the ice pack to his eye once again.

When he does, I notice something on his neck. I push his hair aside and feel my entire face become aflame. There’s a purple spot, not much different from the color of his black eye. Except—

“Kaworu, I think I gave you a hickey.”

“Really?”

He flies up from his seat and checks himself out in the bathroom mirror.

“Ah, you sure did. Do not fret, I like it,” he smirks at his reflection.

“Y-You do?”

“Mm. You’ve made me yours for the world to see.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Kaworu**

The next week is a busy one, Shinji and I working nearly every day. Sadly, it makes it hard for us to spend time together. We’re usually exhausted after long shifts and just want to eat and sleep. Since summer is underway, so are the hoards of tourists and visiting families. We send daily texts, though, always making sure to say “Good morning” and “good night.” I often find myself glued to my phone as Tabris runs around my heels and gallops over my legs.

“I’m sorry my friend! Hello,” I say as I boop him on the nose. 

My loving companion gives me a playful nip before continuing with his romp about the room. It’s getting dark outside, so I allow him a few more minutes of play before scooping him up and putting him in his cage for the night. I’m getting quite tired, so I quickly take a shower and settle myself under the covers. I roll over and feel my heart lurch when my arm hits the empty space next to me. I’m not sure why I expected Shinji to be there, but I did, and I find myself missing him. It’s only been a few days, but this is all so new, and I dearly want him here with me. A phone call should suffice for now.

“Hello?”

He answers on the second ring.

“Shinji, hello. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No, no, I’m still up. You okay?”

“I am now that I’m talking to you,” I hope he can feel my smile through the phone.

He’s silent for a moment—perhaps becoming flustered—but responds.

“I-I’m glad. Me too. I miss you.”

“I was just thinking the same,” my heart beats a little faster.

“Work has been so busy. I’ve been so tired. I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you,” his voice takes a sudden, sorrowful turn.

“Don’t worry, my love. I’ve also been busy.”

“I wish you were here,” his voice quakes in the slightest.

“I wish I was there, too. Is something wrong?”

“The voices are back.”

I sit up, worry overtaking me.

“They do not tell the truth, believe me. You are so strong, Shinji. I’m here and I’m not going away,” I promise.

He’s quiet again.

“You can go away if you want. I’m a burden, after all.”

“Not at all. You’ve made my days brighter.”

“You mean it?”

“Remember what I’ve said—I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

“I know, but—”

“You just might be the love of my life and I have no qualm with saying so.”

“Oh, Kaworu, I—”

“We can get together again soon. We both have a day off coming up.”

“Okay,” he replies softly, obviously more calmed down.

“Good night, my Shinji.”

“Good night, Kaworu.”

I’m at work again the next morning when a purple-haired woman comes to the register. She’s wearing a pencil skirt and frown as I take her order, her scowl directed at her phone.

“Ugh, Shinji, pick up,” I hear her huff.

How does she know him? Well, maybe it’s just a coincidence. However, when I run her card, I see her name flash on the screen.

“Miss Misato? Are you perhaps the aunt of someone named Shinji?”

She quickly tucks her phone away and stares at me with wide eyes full of suspicion.

“What is this?”

Her words bring to light how creepy I must sound.

“My apologies, my name is Kaworu. I’m Shinji’s boyfriend. He has mentioned you before in passing,” I give a polite smile.

“BOYFRIEND!?!”

People turn their heads when she shouts and nearly knocks over the coffee she has just received. I, too, jump a little.

“Has he not told you?”

“No! What the hell! I can’t believe it!”

She punches Shinji’s number into her phone again to make another furious call.

“Oh, he must be at work, still. We’ve been working a lot lately,” I try to give her some insight.

“Hmm, I guess that would make sense. Though, he’s not the best at answering calls, anyway,” she rolls her eyes and puts her phone away again.

My mind flashes back to last night, where Shinji answered my call on the second ring. He must be truly comfortable with me at this point.

My manager calls me over shortly after, so I ask Misato to wait a moment. Thankfully, it’s my break time, so I take off my apron and sit at a table with her. She eyes me intensely as she sips at her drink.

“So, how long have you guys been together?”

“A few weeks. I’m very happy with him. He seems to be happy with me, too,” a grin breaks out across my face.

“Well, ain’t that a fucking miracle. I’ve hardly ever seen that kid smile, even. It’s not his fault, of course, but I wish I could’ve done more for him,” she sighs.

“More? He’s told me that you brought him to safety with a job and apartment. Surely that is a lot on your part?”

“Hey, I like you,” she points at me snickers.

“I’m honored. Is there a reason why you are trying to reach Shinji?”

“It’s his birthday. I wanted to call and then surprise him later with dinner.”

_Birthday? He didn’t tell me._

Suddenly, an idea pops into my head. A brilliant one.

“Shall we do more than just dinner?”

Once Shinji is done at work, I text him to meet me at my place. As he makes his way here, my apartment is filled with the hustle and bustle of several bodies putting up decorations. Misato is putting up banners. Asuka is begrudgingly helping Rei frost a couple of cakes. Toji and Kensuke, to my surprise, are putting together a rather impressive array of food for dinner. As for me, I’m freshening up and trying to choose a proper outfit. I finally settle on a nice button-up complete with a small bow tie and dress pants. The party is not formal, but I want to look best for him. It will be another gift to him. I contribute by cleaning up after the others as they do their thing. My phone buzzes.

“Shinji is almost here. Is everything ready?”

“Affirmative,” Kensuke gives me a thumbs up.

“Yes,” Rei replies, cakes being put into position.

“You could’ve at least given us more time to do this,” Asuka complains.

“I’m so excited to see his face,” Toji exclaims.

“Let’s do this,” Misato adds in.

A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. I hush everyone and turn out the lights.

“Kaworu?”

His voice, though muffled, reaches us through the door. I unlock it.

“It’s open~”

The door creaks open slowly.

“Uh, Kaworu? Is your power out?”

We all remain quiet, voices ready to burst.

“I’m confused,” Shinji admits.

Someone finally flicks a light on and we all jump from out hiding places while shouting in unison.

“SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

I watch in delight as his expression turns from confusion, to shock, to absolute happiness. His eyes glitter with a thousand feelings that he cannot audibly express. He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“Oh, oh my gosh, thank you, guys!”

He turns to me momentarily.

“Did you do this?”

“Perhaps,” I tease and wrap my arms around his waist. 

“We did too!”

Toji yells, breaking our intimate moment. We laugh, Shinji pecking me on the cheek before heading to Misato.

“Give your aunt a hug!”

He does, and the moment quickly turns even more tender. She rubs his back as a few small sobs leave him.

“Don’t cry! It’s your birthday, for god’s sake,” Asuka scolds him.

“I-I’m just s-so happy you all are here, and for me, and—”

“Of course, Shinji,” Rei smiles.

All of us surround him and Misato and create a giant group hug. He cries harder for a few moments before calming down and sniffling himself back to normal.

“Thank you so much. Really.”

“Yeah, yeah, now dig in! I made all this food just for you,” Toji shoves a pan across the counter to the birthday boy.

“I helped, too,” Kensuke adds.

Soon enough, Shinji is laughing instead of crying. It’s my favorite sound.

**Shinji**

My friends, my aunt, and my boyfriend threw a surprise party for me. For _me_. I’ve never had anything like this before. Is this how normal people live? The love is overwhelming. It takes me a moment to cope, but once I do, it’s like I’m walking on air. We all chat and eat dinner. I enjoy myself. I devour the meal in front of me with vigor and even look forward to dessert. One cake says, “Happy Birthday,” and to my amusement, the other one says “Congratulations.” My gaze switches to Kaworu’s face, also lit with amusement. I didn’t notice before, but he’s wearing a nice dress shirt and black, sparkly bow tie. His black eye has just about healed, his red irises as potent as ever. The hickey is still hanging on by a thread, though.

_He’s perfect, and he’s looking at me like I’m perfect, too. Maybe I should try being kinder to myself, just as he’s kind to me. _

I blow out the candles that smolder before me.

_I wish to stay like this forever. _

I cut the first slice and hand it to him, sneaking another kiss on the cheek as I do. Misato swoons at our affections, pleased to see us so happy. Asuka fakes a gag. Rei remains quiet, but the boys, as usual, hoot and holler in encouragement. After we’ve all had our fill, we sit around and talk and joke for a while. Kaworu and I lounge together on the loveseat, the others on the larger couch and table chairs. Our hands intertwine, fingers dancing with each other.

“You two are just so cute,” Misato compliments us.

I blush and look away bashfully. I didn’t expect anyone to think we were picture-perfect, but maybe we are.

Rei nods, obviously pleased as well.

The sun starts to go down, beckoning everyone to head back home. They help to clean up the apartment first before heading out. Well-wishes are given to me again, making me light-headed. I’m so lucky to have love in my life in so many ways.

“Be safe you too,” Misato winks and goes on her way.

“Misato,” I whine and shut the door.

I lock it, too. Now, it’s just me and Kaworu. He saunters over to me and embraces me from behind as he showers my hair and neck with kisses.

“That tickles,” I laugh.

“Good. Your laugh is heaven to my ears,” he mumbles between kisses.

“Thank you, Kaworu. For everything. I had such a good night,” I place my hands over his encircling arms.

“Happy birthday. I love you.”

It takes me a moment to realize what he’s just said. The words are so foreign. Butterflies threaten to flutter up into my throat. I turn my head slightly to make eye contact with him, his face just an inch or two away. All breath leaves my lungs.

“I… I love you too, Kaworu.”

It feels so good to say it. Our lips brush together softly, and I know it’s cheesy, but it’s as if literal sparks fly from the touch. I turn myself around so that we’re facing each other, bodies flush together with Kaworu’s arms still holding me.

“I love you. I love you so much, Kaworu,” I can’t stop.

He leans down and gives me a proper kiss, hand moving up to cup my face, thumb rubbing across my cheek. The kiss ends too quickly for my liking.

“I’m so lucky to love and be loved by you,” his words are heavy with emotion.

“Kiss me,” I demand.

He obliges, pulling me even closer. This kiss is much harder, much more passionate, than the last. It’s like his whole essence is pouring into me. My head is spinning but I manage to kiss back, hands grabbing onto his nice shirt. When his tongue skirts over my bottom lip, a lava flow of want cascades to my stomach. I moan as I feel our bodies shifting backwards. His lips are still on mine as he backs me against a wall and lifts me up. Instinctually, I wrap my legs around his hips.

He’s wearing cologne I’ve never smelled before. It’s incredibly intoxicating. I pull on his bow tie and shove my tongue in his mouth, eliciting a groan from his long, white throat. He’s so kind, so gorgeous, so smart, so attractive, so thoughtful—and he’s mine. I give an experimental buck of my hips and hear him huff in our kisses, obviously pleased. I do it again, a sharp tug of pleasure begging me to do it again. That, and Kaworu’s voice.

“Sh-Shinji, oh, I love you,” he nearly suffocates me with his intensity.

Still, I like it.

“I love you, too. Oh, Kaworu, I really do,” I reply breathlessly.

A moment later, he’s carrying me bridal style to his bedroom. He practically throws me onto the bed and crawls over me, his hair tangled and his bowtie dangling from his collar. It’s the best sight in the world. My fingers work on unbuttoning his top. He nips at my bottom lip, breaking my concentration, but I soon get the shirt off. He strips himself of it and tosses it behind him, lips on mine the entire time. He pulls away only to lift my shirt above my head. We quickly get back to kissing as he completely lays on top of me, our bodies chest to chest. I’m hot and aroused and so, so loved. Just like our previous experience, he grinds against me, a shuddering breath leaving him as his erection presses against my own.

“Mmf, Kaworu, I want you.”

He bucks into me harder, his own lust showing in his actions. It’s so good, but it’s not enough. His hands tear down my pants and underwear in one movement. The scars on my legs are in plain sight, and I feel a little ashamed, but he quiets those thoughts when he kisses them, head between my thighs.

“Kaworuuuu,” I whine and bite down onto one of my hands.

He engulfs my cock with his mouth without saying anything in return. I cry out, hips jerking forward and hands gripping the bedsheets. He’s more of a pro at this than I am, and it shows. Nothing else we’ve done can compare to how good this feels. I open my eyes, look down, and he’s staring up at me as he bobs up and down my erection. It’s almost too much. Those red eyes are too much.

“Th-That feels so good, Kaworu, but, ha-ah,” he dips down again as I’m talking.

“S-Stop, or I’m gonna—”

He doesn’t listen. He keeps going. My body feels like static and I can’t keep still. I hold his hair as I roll my hips into his mouth. He hums in contentment.

“Ah—oh—oh my god, Kaworu,” I pant his name like a prayer.

When I cum, he takes it without moving away. He swallows it all. I’m a shaky, blubbering mess, but I know that he did. He kisses his way up my body until he gets to my lips. I taste my own saltiness.

“Now I’ve repaid you for last week,” he tells me, voice thick with pride.

“F-Fine, but we’re not finished here,” I flip us over.

With a small sense of satisfaction, I see shock color his face. I’m on top of the world—and on top of Kaworu. I feel ambitious.

“Kaworu.”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to make love to me,” I trace a finger down his chest.

I see him gulp, eyes wild. I love that look he gets sometimes.

“Are you sure?”

I grind my ass back against his dick, causing his hands to spring forward and dig into my hips. I do it again, my dick catching friction against his stomach, and I quickly find myself confident in my ability to go a step farther with Kaworu. He keeps one hand on me while the other reaches to his nightstand. He pulls lube and condoms out from the drawer. I start getting hard just from watching him do this.

“You haven’t done this before, right?”

His question catches me off guard and awakens anxiety in me.

“N-No, I haven’t.”

“Okay. I’ll use my fingers first and go slow.”

He coats his fingers in lube and reaches to my backside. I hiss at the contact. I’ve played with toys at home, but it’s still something new. I’ll be fine. It’s Kaworu. I can trust him.

It’s a little uncomfortable at first, but when he adds a second finger, the pain melts into pleasure. I lean over him, mouth agape in ecstasy. He kisses me and scissors inside of me. Moaning against his mouth, I push myself down onto his nimble, pianist fingers. No wonder he’s so good at this.

“Ah, okay, please, I want you,” I beg, surprised yet again at the desperation in my voice.

Emptiness hits when he takes out his fingers, but it’s soon remedied as he rolls on a condom and lube.

“Ready, my love?”

“Always, for you,” I kiss him quickly.

His cock lines up at my entrance and my legs shake. He holds me steady as he guides himself in. Truth be told, it’s painful at first, but he does it slowly enough for me to get used to it, despite his growing need for release. I tentatively move myself up and down once to test the waters. My thighs quiver with the effort. He lets out the loudest, longest moan I’ve ever heard from him. I do it a couple more times until that pleasure starts to come back.

“Oh, okay, I-I think I’ve got it,” I whisper.

“Take your time,” he reassures from under me.

I keep moving, keep riding, keep breathing. He starts pushing up into me, letting out small grunts. A bead of sweat is forming above his brow. All of a sudden, it’s like a switch flips. The goodness that shoots through me is unimaginable. I nearly shout. 

“Ah—Ha—oh, f-fuck!”

Kaworu’s thrusts get faster, and so do his moans.

I think he must be hitting my prostate now. It’s like a button is being pressed over and over again. It gives me the energy to keep going.

“F-Fuck me, ah, Kaworu,” I look down at him.

Our locked eye contact spurs him to sit up and hold me against him, now face-to-face. His kiss is like wildfire. He moves ever faster, continuously hitting that white-hot button inside me. The bed frame slams into the wall along with our movements. The neighbors must be furious. I can’t find it in me to care.

“Oh, Shinji, my Shinji, fu-uck,” he curses, turning me on even more.

“Please, please,” I chant in his ear.

He growls and attaches himself to my neck. It sends me over the edge. My head buries itself in his shoulder as I cum, my scream muffled by his skin. Cum shoots onto both our stomachs. Soon, his thrusts become erratic, and he cums, too. We’re stuck together in a loud, shaking, thrusting, sweaty mess as we come down from our orgasms.

When I wake, I’m now laying atop Kaworu, my head rising and falling with his breaths. Everything feels so soft, so pleasant. All I hear is his heartbeat and the filling and emptying of his lungs. It’s a lullaby.

“Shinji?”

His voice almost doesn’t seem real. Not after all that.

“Mm?”

“Are you okay?”

I lift my face and see his brow knotted with worry.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m good. That was good,” I rub his arm comfortingly.

“Ah, thank goodness. I was afraid you had hurt yourself. You’ve been quiet a while.”

“I’m just… taking it all in, again.”

“I love that about you. You analyze, you feel. Though, you sometimes go overboard with it, I’ve got to admit,” his fingers thread through my hair as he speaks.

“It’s better than nothing at all. Anything is,” I lean into his touch, like a cat being scratched.

Now he’s the one rolling us over. We end up facing each other, now laying on our sides. His arm is bent at the elbow, supporting his weight as he holds his head up.

“I really _was_ born to meet you.”

_Did his romance ever stop?_

Instead of replying, I simply stare at him, once again held captive by his words. Nothing I could say could ever top that statement—not even an “I love you.” 

“I was so honored to hear that you love me. I get the feeling that it is not something said lightly by you.”

“No, it’s not. I hardly ever say it. I’ve hardly ever _said_ it, even,” I begin to recollect on my younger years, my words slipping away.

“It just means that when you say it, it holds heavy meaning. There’s nothing wrong with that,” his hand moves to rest against my own.

We share a soft, short, sweet kiss. After that, he looks at me, mischief in his eyes.

“It looks like I’ve marked _you_ this time,” he steals another kiss, this time on my neck.

He must mean a hickey. My hand shoots up and feels the skin there as if I could visibly see it through my fingertips.

“A birthday present,” I smile impishly.

We spend the rest of the night cuddled up tightly in Kaworu’s sheets. My mind wanders to my beloved pets, but I know they’ll be alright for one night. Instead, I try to focus on his phone screen. He’s scrolling down various memes and videos that never fail to make us laugh. When we’ve been apart, we’d often send each other a multitude of different things to read or watch. Now, we’re catching up. Sometimes it’s just better in person.

_Everything is so easy with him. I’ve never felt so at ease with anyone before. _

My eyes start to get heavy as he continues to find things to watch. The dull glow of the screen lulls me into slumber. As I sink down, I feel his hand thread through my hair as if each lock were a harp string.


	9. Chapter 9

**Kaworu**

Our relationship turns from weeks to months, our feelings rekindling each chance we get to see each other. Shinji seems happier lately. He leaves for work with a pep in his step, and by the time I see him in the afternoon, he’s still able to muster a smile. It’s refreshing and so, so relieving to see his transformation. I loved him before and I love him even more, now. I hope I’ve been a good influence on him.

The breeze from the boardwalk caresses our faces with crisp air as we waltz down the coastline, hands tangled together in a pleasant heat. We’re on our way to meet up with Misato and the others for a nice dinner by the bay. Summer is starting to finally wind down, and as such, Autumn has begun to creep in and take its place. Shinji is wearing a striped sweater complete with a light coat. The cool wind has whipped red into his cheeks, making them perfect for kissing. The grin he’s wearing is the best addition of all. Stars reflect in his eyes when he glances at me.

_Lord, I love this boy._

We hear Toji and Kensuke hollering before we even see our table. They’re sitting outside, bickering about something stupid with Asuka. Rei is sitting quietly, people-watching. Misato is drinking a beer, of course, and feels free to put her input into the fight. Shinji chuckles beside me and I must fight the urge to steal another kiss. He doesn’t mind handholding or kissing on the cheek, but he told me that he wasn’t big on PDA. He liked his privacy. I’m okay with that. Those moments are just for us—nobody else, not even our friends.

“Hm, looks like they started without us,” I joke.

“I guess so,” Shinji plays along. 

“Hey, those two are finally here! Sheesh,” Asuka yells.

I pull a chair out for Shinji, which he happily sits down in. I grab the one next to him just as the waiter is upon us. I order green tea, Shinji hot chocolate. There’s a couple appetizers already on the table, so we munch on them as we look over the menu. In the few moments that I ponder over my options, I feel Shinji grow silent and still next to me. When I look up, his eyes are elsewhere, even as his friends are actively talking and trying to engage with him.

“Shinji, are you okay?”

My words do little to get his attention. He’s frozen in fear. I shake his shoulder gently while the others look on with slight concern.

“My love, won’t you look my way?”

“I—he—“

His teeth chatter together. It’s not the cold’s doing.

I catch Misato starting to look in the same direction. There’s a man in a trench coat at the edge of the harbor. He’s now turning around and walking toward our restaurant.

“Fucker,” Misato scoffs and gets to her feet, her chair screeching against the concrete.

“What is happening?”

Rei’s soft voice reflects my own thoughts.

“Father. It’s father,” Shinji spits out.

The word sends a shot of adrenaline through me. I don’t know much about this man, but I know that he has hurt Shinji. Hurt Shinji to the point of self-deprecation and self-mutilation. A carnal instinct in me dares him to get even close to my beloved. I pull his chair closer to mine.

“Shit, I’ll beat his ass,” Toji cracks a fist against his open palm.

He’s drawing closer. We can see the puffs of his breath in the night air.

“W-What is he doing here? I don’t understand,” the words fall in shaky heaps form Shinji’s mouth.

“Don’t worry. We will handle this,” I murmur against his temple soothingly.

“Ah, so this is where you’ve been hiding. Figures you’d be with _this _one.”

The man’s deep voice makes Shinji jump out of his skin. I figure “this one” is referring to Misato, as he motions to her with a gloved hand. Said woman fires back.

“What the fuck do you want, Gendo?”

“I was simply taking a stroll when I noticed my disgrace of a son hiding in plain sight.”

A quiet sob leaves Shinji’s throat and that carnal instinct rises within me.

“He is not hiding, and if you’re just strolling, then you should move along,” I growl.

“Yeah, get lost,” Kensuke threatens along with me.

“Ha, what, you think he’s your friend? He doesn’t care about anyone other than _himself_! Always so self-absorbed!”

It’s taking so much to not get up from my seat, but I don’t want to cause more of a scene and make Shinji feel worse. Instead, I whisper in his ear to calm him.

“He’s just trying to get a rise from you—from us. His words do not speak truth.”

He swallows thickly, most likely swallowing back another sob before it leaked from his throat.

“I could call the cops. I’m his guardian now,” Misato hisses.

“Hmph, good luck. I’m not doing anything illegal. Right, Shinji?”

“Leave him outta this ya prick,” Asuka yells back.

To my surprise, Shinji flings himself from his seat, back completely straight and his hands balled into fists at his sides.

“You’re wrong! You’re the selfish one! You’re the one who hurts!”

His strong, emotionally charged words echo all around us, making pedestrians stop in their tracks. He continues.

“You made me hate myself—made me hate others—but I know better now! I’ll never be good enough for you, so why bother? I don’t need you! I have my friends and my boyfriend and that’s all I need! Now go away and never come back!”

He’s screaming now, eyes clenched closed. His body heaves with every sentence. His father stands motionless, eyebrows raised in alarm.

“Still acting like a child, I see.”

And just like that, he walks off just as fast as he had appeared. Shinji was still standing in the same spot. He was locked in place, head hanging, and eyes still closed. He’d heard his father’s footsteps as he walked away. Misato approached him first and embraced him.

“That was so good, Shinji. I’m proud of you.”

Her words slurred a little from the alcohol, but they were genuine, nonetheless.

Shinji said nothing.

“Yeah, that was badass, man!”

Toji and Kensuke laughed and hugged Shinji too, rubbing at his hair in encouragement.

“Gotta admit, that was cool, even for you,” Asuka added before hesitantly joining in.

“Yes, way to go, Shinji,” Rei merged with the others.

Soon it was just me missing out on the group hug. I came behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“That was very brave. You know your worth—he doesn’t,” I reassure him as I nuzzle against the soft spot of his neck.

His body begins to loosen, body obviously relaxed by the human shield around him. He dares to lift his head. His eyes are red and swollen, but bright.

“I can’t believe I did that. Thank you, guys.”

We all hug him tighter, eliciting a small laugh from him.

After a minute or two, the waiter comes back, visibly confused as to what’s going on. We all start laughing, then, before taking our seats once again. The rest of the evening goes smoothly. The food is delicious, the chat is lively, and the night is void of anymore Gendo Ikari.

When we get back to Shinji’s apartment, I can’t help but be all over him. I’m filled with so much pride and attraction and it explodes when the front door clicks closed. He reciprocates, obviously feeling just as proud of himself. Sometimes when we initiate these kinds of things, Shinji gets nervous, or chooses to stop—which I’m always prepared for. I never push him to do things he doesn’t want to do. However, tonight, he is the most tenacious that I’ve ever seen him. It doesn’t help that it’s also been a couple weeks since we’ve been intimate. Damn our schedules and long workdays!

Afterward, when we’re a melting, boneless mess, he clings to me, his face radiant. An idea strikes me so fast I hardly have time to think it over before it’s flying out of my mouth.

“Shinji, would you like to move in with me?”

He sits up, messy hair partially covering his eyes.

“Like, have me live with you? At your apartment?”

“Yes, precisely,” I laugh.

“Then it’d be _our_ apartment. Oh, and my lease is up soon!”

“That’s perfect. We could be together everyday without missing a beat. We’d both be saving money, too,” I pitch in.

“Oh, Hazel, Toffee, and Tabris could all have a room to play and rotate in!”

I pull him down into a deep kiss. He crawls on top of me, eyes alight with interest.

“I’d like that! Kaworu, I want to move in with you as soon as my lease is over,” his nose brushes mine affectionately.

“Nothing would make me happier.”

“I love you, Kaworu.”

“I love you, too, Shinji.”

We begin to kiss again, and it seems that we’re ready for round two. Not only in bed, but for the rest of our lives, too.

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I've gotten so much nice feedback. It's very encouraging and deeply appreciated. I think I will revisit this prompt in the future, perhaps a one shot of them living together! Anyway, you can expect more content from me for sure. Here's some other stuff you might be interested in. <3  
my twitter: @kazmopolis  
my youtube (eva amvs): https://www.youtube.com/user/Kazmopolis  
kawoshin playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4PYl2sXJnR1zRwllEoVgvZ?si=EpArqFANS92S7tjC8sFHtw  
evangelion playlist (still adding to): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/312zflai5dcKZkIcAdcXF0?si=_p3kNG3wRJGA4FPj1aV92w


End file.
